23-4-2009 - How I feel...

My mood while writing this blog: Anxious, yet, excited

Ok. Here is just an update on me... (and the bebe)

Well, I already feel like a blimp... Cant even imagine what I am going to feel like in 5 more months... Geeeeeesh. I feel like the bebe has already moved way up because my bump is high and I dont feel anymore pressure "down there". I am starting to eat a lot better now that I am off my prometerium. That stuff made me soooo sick. I have my next appt on Monday at 11:40 am! I am very excited, but disappointed at the same time. I would love to have another u/s. I have had one at every appt so far... so going and not having an u/s it will feel so weird. I go back at 16 weeks for another appt and for some blood test to be done. I am going to ask my doc if I can have my "BIG" u/s then so maybe we can find the sex of the bebe and the other testing they do at that time. I just need that reasurrance, especially now that I stopped my meds. I still feel VERY pregnant. My boobs are HUGE already. I was in a large C before and now I am popping out of a D... Crazy huh. I am only getting nauseated once a day now, and it happens to be right now as I am writing this blog... I dont puke though. But lunch isnt my favorite time a day. But when dinner hits, I PIG out! I am so scared of gaining a lot of weight. I have lost 12 lbs so far but when I go to my appt on Monday and I have gained all that back in 3 weeks, I will FREAK OUT! My face has turned blochy... Got red patches all over it. I can cover with makeup, but its still frustrating. My mother said she had the same thing. I cannot wait for the first kicks. I want to be able to feel those because it will be a huge relief to me. I know EVERYONE says its way to early to feel the bebe kick, but I feel something. They are not kicks by anymeans. They feel like flutters and its NOT gas. I know what gas feels like becuase I have it BBAAAADDD! I can put my hand under my belly button, sit really still, and poke my belly with my other finger and I feel like jumps. They kinda feel like spasms, tiny tiny spasms. O well, I guess I will find out what those feel like in about another month! Sorry for babbleing, just got so much on my mind...

O yea, one more thing. Last night I talked to my best friend, and I hadnt talked to her since I was 6 weeks pregnant. I feel scared to talk to her because of her situation. She has endometriosis, and its so severe that its grown into her bowel and caused parts of her bowel to stop working. Doc says she will prolly NEVER have children. It makes me sick to think about that. I have been in her shoes. I have lost 4 pregnancies and was told that I had unexplained infertility and that I would probably never carey a pregnancy to term. When I talked to her last night, she asked so many questions about my pregnancy like how I feel, how big I am getting, if I know the sex yet, and etc. Well I just answered, but with care. Usually the tables are turned and I am the one asking those questions, and I know how it feels deep down. Anyways, she works in the same building as my doc. Well she said to me that she didnt want to miss this for anything in the world and that we give her hope because of what we went through. I told her that if she was comfortable she was more than welcome to come to my appt on Monday. She got so excited, and she is now coming. I am excited for her to be there becuse she is my best friend, but I am scared to hurt her. Did I do wrong by asking? Thanks in advance for advice and imput. I love hearing from all of you. You make me feel so much better...