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04-1-2010 - Not Very Happy

My mood while writing this blog: sad

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So I had an interesting first day in the new year.

A couple that my husband and I are good friends with, has a son that is the same age as our daughter. When they first started playing together, I noticed how he hated to share and was always yelling about it. My daughter willing gave up whatever toy it was (for a while), but then it got to the point where she didn't want to and I can't say that I really blame her. I constantly catch him yelling and saying she did things she didn't do. (I can say this b/c I would be sitting right there watching). Anyways, my daughter's attitude has changed quite a bit and I think it has something to do with spending a lot of time with him.

Well, NYE night, they were playing and he hit her in the back. She was very upset, but I did not witness it to see if she provoked anything. Regardless, hitting is unacceptable. So I addressed the issue with both of them and then we went on with the evening. So NY day, we all had dinner at our friend's house. The usual yelling and bickering started, but this time, another friend saw him blaming my daughter for something she didn't do and I was relieved. I say this b/c his mom is a little naive about his behavior or if she isn't naive, just doesn't want to look at the issue. Later on that night, I was sitting on their couch and I could see the kids in the relfection of the windown upstairs. My daughter started calling for me and telling the little boy to let go of her shirt. I could see him pulling on it and I told him to let go and both to play nice. Well he didn't listen, so she kept trying to push his hand off. In the process of pushing it off, she fell down. He then climbed over her and started pounding her chest 3 times! I LOST IT. I started screaming, got up, running for the stairs and my 8 month pregnant butt, ran up the stairs. She had whelps on her chest and she was bawling her eyes out. His dad followed me and spanked his bottom and put him in time out. All I could do was sit at the top of the stairs and cry and hold my little girl. I've never felt what I did going through my body when I saw that. Something just snapped and I reacted. We should have let then, but decided to give them one more chance. Well, boy were we wrong. Not even 10 minutes later, she started crying again. He had scratched her, broke the skin, and she was bleeding. I mean, really, wtf?? I was so upset. My husband and I got our things and left. I cried and cried. There is nothing worse than seeing your child physically hurt, much less watching someone hurt them on purpose. I don't care what age they are.

So my problem has been addressing the issue. His mother told me, "sorry he is such an asshole." I am sure they weren't sure the right way to handle the situation, but I felt like we should've talked about it. So I called the next day and she assured me they would talk to him, but quickly changed the subject. I found myself apologizing for reacting. BUT who wouldn't have? It is a touchy situation when talking to another parent/friend about their kid b/c no one wants to hear someone else say something negative. So I always try and never point the finger, but it seems like every time she tells a story about the kids, she always turns it on my daugther.

I am so lost. I love hanging out with them b/c they are good friends of ours, but I can't and won't continue to watch my child be mistreated. My husband suggested supervised playing time. Well, I had to get it off my chest. Thanks for listening. Feel free to comment our put me in my place.

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8 Comments on Not Very Happy


Mum2anAngel - Tuesday, 5 Jan
What a NewYears! I agree with MamaLuvnJah. Those kids need to be supervised and your friend should be right there with you doing it. If she doesnt stand by you with the constant supervision I would take it as a hint and not let your daughter play with him anymore. Goodluck!

katie713 - Tuesday, 5 Jan
however hard it is to face a situation like this, you're an adult. think of how much harder it is for your baby to deal with it, and she's looking to you as a role model and protector. she hasn't developed the conflict resolution skills. even though you've never faced a situation like this you are far more experienced and capable than her. don't let her near that devilish boy until he calms himself down. he'll learn a lesson as well as she. she'll learn not to tolerate it, he'll learn that "oh, my friends are gone when i beat the crap out of them" do it for both the kids, and forget the idiot parents.

mom2ucc - Monday, 4 Jan
Your daughter comes first and in reality children that are not diciplined for this type of behavior only get worse. I would have beat his butt myself!! Friends are replaceable. Clearly they don't respect your daughter and thus they don't respect you...just drop it and move on. Teach your daughter about what he did was wrong and no matter what it is unacceptable and you will choose her over friends anytime! Build her up now that she has been broken down. Don't let her believe it was ok. Teach her to forgive but to move on without a friend like that! Good luck :)

lil.pigz - Monday, 4 Jan
You didn't over react at all! Heck, I have to bite my tongue when my 16 yr old gets into it with other girls,lol. A couple we are friends with have 2 very misbehaved little boys. The parents just scream at them or beat on them for discipline, and the boys lust laugh at the parents. Our girls are scared to death of them. It came down to the point where the wife doesnt come over anymore with the boys and the hubby just comes over alone to hang out. Sad it turned out that way, but I wasnt playing babysitter to their kids because they didnt want to deal with them. They more or less expected our older girls to be referee to their kids while they visited. Nuts.

tiffanygannutz - Monday, 4 Jan
I know what you mean!!! I have a friend that has 2 kids and we were friends before the children came along. Her daughter is a lot older than our boys who is only a few months aparts. She is going through nursing school and we would watch them for her once a week. Her daughter was always mean to Aydan we would stand to where she could see us but watch everything and we would put her in time out and everything. I told my friend that I wouldn't spank them but also every week went she came to pick them up I told her everything that happened and how we punished her. Even thought she said that she has talked to her and punished her at home it still happened every week. This next semster she hasn't asked me to watch them which I am glad because the boys have always played great together but her daughter is really mean to my son who is now 19 months and then we have this baby who will be here in Feb. and I don't know how she would react to the new baby too. I would limit your time with your friends and have your daughter stay with you and bring some toys of hers to play with there next to you so that you can see what is going on. You can't do much about them and what they do with their kids but you can try to keep your kids as safe as possible no matter how good of friends you are with them. You should read my blog on my brother and the fight we had about my son because me and my husband said no to something he wanted and he wouldn't take no for the answer.

MamaLuvnJah - Monday, 4 Jan
They have to be supervised. Don't leave them alone ever. Your friend will have to get used to watching her son more closely cause you are and she'll get the point. The adults won't get much privacy to talk but that's the way it has to be or he'll hurt your child. Your friend will have to watch her son more closely if she wants to have a conversation w/ you cause your not gonna leave your little girls side. You have to be in the same room always. It could take a year for this kid to stop his bad behavior and that's only if the mother is on top of him and puts him in time out every time he does it. Constituency is the key or the child will never learn. Good luck. Hanging out w/ her will never be the same. You got to keep your kid safe #1. If you're true friends she will let you help her and her son. She needs to read a parenting book.

hopefully3 - Monday, 4 Jan
I dont think you overreacted at all! There child is out of control and they need to address the problem instead of ignoring it... But you are right it is a difficult subject to bring up about someone elses child and how they are handling the situation. I think all kids have their days when they are naughty and my children did go through a stage where they hit, but not to that extreme and the problem was always addressed immediately. If they dont address the problem then I would say you have no choice but to not let the kids around eachother. Its sad but we have to put our kids first. I am proud of you that you stood up and got her out of there... its just ridiculous! Good luck hun!

angelicb1437 - Monday, 4 Jan
I think you reacted way better than I would have! I lost a friend of 14 years last year because I finally got sick of her letting her kids run around crazy all the time but got pissy when my daughter was cranky and didn't want to play with hers. Her daughter was always knocking mine over and taking things from her and my daughter doesn't like to play with mean children so she would refuse. Our own kids should ALWAYS come first and I commend you for trying so hard to be accommodating to this little boy and the way his parents have let him behave. Good luck!