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|30-10-2010 - Update (30.10.10)
||My mood while writing this blog:|
Thought I should update since my daughter is at her grandads tonight with her Dad and Ollie is fast asleep in my room so I actually have nothing to do (shock horror!)
I guess a lot has happened in the last few weeks....
Ollie is almost 5 months! I can't believe how much time has flown by! We are still EBF, no bottles and no pacifiers (not without trying!). He is such a boob man and loves him mum :)
Bonnie is almost 22 months (almost 2!) and she is really starting to talk now. She can string a few words together and its like she says a few new words everyday! She is so much fun and I love playing with her! I sometimes wish Ollie wasn't so demanding, because I really miss having play time with her. But we go do things everyday (except when she is in childcare) even if it's just going to the park for a short time.
I was put on anti-depressants a few months ago and it has made a HUGE difference in my life. I actually enjoy my children now. I know it's awful, but I was so miserable for such a long time, I just thought it was normal...that it would get better, but it didnt and I seemed to just put up with it. Now I actually really enjoy my life and I love taking the kids places, no matter how hard it is to get there by public transport, to see them have fun is all I want.
Chris and I recently split (only on Wednesday) I'm not sure if it's a final split, but I know that I couldn't put up with his drinking anymore. He put me through so much crap in the past and it made me mad when he decided after a year to drink again. I have lost all trust in him and even if he is only having "one drink" as he says, I dont believe him, and I dont want to feel anxiety and anger when he comes home and I know he's been drinking. Now I dont have to worry about it, and he does more now than he did when we were together? It's weird, it's like suddenly he wants to be this "active dad" whereas before I just did everything. So I'm quite happy with the split to be honest. I think he needs to figure out what he wants in life and so do I. We hardly knew each other when we became pregnant with Bonnie and all we've have is each other for so long, I think we've forgotten who we are and we seem to just bring each other down. We get along better when we're not living together. Maybe we will get back together but I think for now, we need time apart. Chris's is living at his Dads and I'm living at home. He comes after work and feeds and showers bonnie and puts her to bed, just like he normally does. Only difference is he doesnt sleep here and he isnt here for half an hour in the morning. I hope it isnt impacting too much on Bonnie...we're not angry at each other or anything...
Anyway, I'm so in love with my kids, it's like I've "woken up" from my depression and I'm realising how lucky I am.
Here are a few photos :)
She loves him :)
My beautiful girl
My handsome boy at 19 weeks
Ollie is on the left and Bonnie is on the right (both taken when they were about 4 months old) haha
Love Bonnie's smile :)
Might have a thumbsucker on my hands! Taken today (30.10.10) I got my hair done :)
2 Comments on Update (30.10.10)sunflower-j
- Sunday, 31 Oct hey darls. im sorry to hear bout your split. its never easy. i was by myself with my older 2 for a while. and to be honest it was the best thing i did. there father was never there at all. unfortunatly he never changed after we split though. you are a very strong woman. and congrats on feeling better. wow you have 2 beautiful babes. as for EBF.. good job. abi is 3 months old now and im still ebf.. but she has a dummy. and i love the feeding photo. its suh a speial moment. you are just brave enough to capture it. xoxoxoxo LANNiE
- Saturday, 30 Oct Awww sorry to hear about your split with Chris, but I'm glad you're a happier mummy!! I love that you are brave enough to put a breastfeeding photo on here after all the drama with them in the BFing forum awhile ago, hence why a group was created on FB. I honestly hope your blog and/or profile don't get deleted because of it, but don't be surprised if you do! Just warning you =].I'm organising a bulk catch up with my mummy friends from my high school at the zoo for Nov 6 or 7, but I can change the date if you'd like to come when you're over here? Only catch is that it must be on a weekend or one of my friends and her daughter can't make it. Let me know, and take care of those two gorgeous babies of yours!