kinta's I-am-pregnantblog

kinta
	Age: 23 Country: AU Province/region: New South Wales City: Sydney Partner: ex-partner = Chris (still good friends) Children: Yes, 2 Pregnant: Please select Due date: 09 0 ,0000 Occupation: Mum/Student
	Online: More than 3 months ago Last updated: 473 days ago. Member since: 1815 days
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29-4-2009 - Failure

My mood while writing this blog:
Stressed

I feel like the biggest failure at the momment. I feel like I haven't succeeded at anything when it comes to her best interest. I always take the easy way out of everything. I couldnt even try harder at breastfeeding, I hated having to be the only one who could feed her. I feel so disconnected. I feel like everything a huge effort with Bonnie, I'm not enjoying any of it. I try and enjoy her, I really do but im so depressed I just wish she would go away. I get so frustrated when she cries, I wish she would just shut up. I hate when she interupts me when im trying to do something. I feel angry at her even though its not her fault. I feel I shouldnt be a mother, I am a horrible mother. Its ok when I'm with someone else, but as soon as its just me and her, I just wish I could run away. Right now she's screaming next to me and im crying cos I dont know what to do, I just want her to stop. I hate my life, I hate myself so much. I try asking Chris for help, but he doesn't listen to me. I REALLY need help. I hate feeling this way.

Everytime I feel horrible I feel so guilty. Bonnie deserves to have a happy mum, not a self conscious unhappy and crying mum. She always smiles at me not matter what and it makes me feel worse, cos she loves me and thinks im her world and I treat her sometimes like I wish she wasnt here. God I love her, why do I feel this way. Its not fair....

6 Comments on Failure

jen - Wednesday, 13 May
I came across the pic of your beautiful daughter on another page and had to read all about you! What you are experiencing is post partum depression, totally normal, but it does need to be dealt with. Contact your ob/gyn and tell her what your going thru and he/she will get you on what pills you need to be on until your body can readjust. Keep me updated on you!!

trixie369 - Friday, 1 May
Hey you! I have felt the same way before. It was more in the beginning, but this kind of thing can happen ANYTIME! My cousin had it so bad when her boy turned 2....She got help and feels great! You are a strong and beautiful mama! You are doing this basically by yourself. SOmetimes it feels like more work when you have your boyfriend there. I know! Just please know, that this will pass and you and Bonnie love eachother SO much.
Im thinkin about you. I totally understand and feel free to message me ANYTIME!!! Love ya

jenadamandbaby - Friday, 1 May
hey, i hope things get better. it definitely sounds like PPD. Go to a doctor right away! Get some medicine in you to control the hormones. We know you love her and she knows that too. It sucks when you just can't help but feel sad. I'm like that too but towards my husband! it's terrible...

bezzi44 - Thursday, 30 Apr
Totally sounds like PPD... Get help before you hurt yourself or your baby. Don't be mad at yourself either. IT happens and it's not your fault. Just hormones. But please go see someone!!!!

montana - Thursday, 30 Apr
hey girl..having a baby is a TOTAL life changing experience..it can be REALLY hard on some of us..i really recommend you go get some professional help before it gets out of hand. i will keep you in my thoughts & prayers..it will all be ok.

bluejeans - Wednesday, 29 Apr
Dont' beat yourself up its hard adjusting to being a new mum. Is there anyone that can give you a hand with Bonnie? Maybe you need to go and talk to some oneprofessionally? You need to try and have a serious talk with your boyfriend and kick him up the butt. Hang in there. If you ever want to talk Im here

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