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15-10-2009 - my son is spoiled but my husband won\'t listen

My mood while writing this blog: exhausted

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I wanted to write this blog to get it out of my mind and plus my husband doesn't listen to me half of the time. As you all know my son is 1 month old. When he first came home all he did was eat and sleep. Since my husband works alot of hours, he doesn't really get to spend no time with our son until late at night and then he gets tired. There is nothing wrong with holding a baby, but holding him until he falls asleep and continue holding him is a problem. Now its getting to the point where my son is fighting his sleeps just to stay awake and be held. I love my son don't get me wrong, but I don't like to sit there and hold him for long periods of time. I have alot of house cleaning to do that has been undone. I have clothes to wash that is piling up. Also my son has really bad gas and that is causing him to not sleep for long after I rock him to bed. I have a doctors appointment for him tomorrow to see do we need to switch formula. I hope I am not sounding selfish here, but my people have been getting on me about spoiling the baby because it will be hard for others to watch him, but when I tell my husband that, he said its not spoiling him, we are bonding with him. I don't know anymore. Please give me some advice. Am I wrong here or what?

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4 Comments on my son is spoiled but my husband won\'t listen


dancingtoast - Friday, 16 Oct
I hate the word spoiled when a baby is described your son is too small to even think things through he's not trying to manipulate you guys...but I must say that I hold my baby "too much" and I let him fall asleep on me too and now he wont go to sleep in his bassinett unless I hold him till he falls asleep. In the beginning all my baby wanted to do was eat sleep and poop too but I think with time their needs increase and he has more alert periods that's what happened to my baby he's almost 2 months old and is aware of his surroundings for the most part

ymmfreshstart - Friday, 16 Oct
Lets take one thing at a time. As for the gas, that may have something to do with the formula. Also if you are right there and can check on the baby alot, try putting him on his stomach, that helps relieve the gas. I let Danielle sleep on her stomach if she is on my lap, never in the crib.As for the house work, try to do that when your husband is there holding the baby. I hold my little girl as much as I can. I did the same with all my kids and none of them are spoiled. I think it is important. I let her cry sometimes if I am in the middle of something, but not for long and I talk to her until I can get to her. I agree that they can't think things through to get spoiled at this age. See if you can get a carrier to put the baby in while you do some house work. I had one in the past, I carried the boys in the carrier while I did laundry and shopping and all my normal chores. Good Luck.

Rebecca - Thursday, 15 Oct
I believe in attatchment parenting and believe that you can't spoil a very young baby. Babies under 6 months are just not capable of the reasoning involved in being spoiled. You can, and should, hold them as much as possible. Babies who are held enough to meet their emotional and physical needs will start to get down and move around on their own as soon as they are able to do so. Content, curious and alert, the held baby soon sees that there are things going on down there that they want to check out. This is a normal part of their development and holding them will not disrupt their natural urge to explore unless you don't let them down when they decide they are ready.Some babies are ready to explore sooner than others. A timid child may not be ready to move away from you until months after a more exuberant child has already done a lot of exploring. Honoring your child's personality is an important part of building trust, so don't push your baby into independence before she is ready. Babies are little for only such a short time. Before you are ready they are grown and moving into the world on their own. Holding them now helps you to deepen your bond with your baby so they can move into the world confidently when the time is right. Due to your bond, your baby will know that they can trust you to be there if they need you, even as they explore the world.

rosye13 - Thursday, 15 Oct
Opinions on this are sooo widespread and I don't think anyone's 100% sure who's right, unfortunately. I have to say that I tend to lean more towards the way that your husband thinks. I think that babies need held and loved and that you can never do too much of that. (Other than when you start a bedtime routine but I also don't believe in a strict bedtime for newborns) Anyway, I could be completely wrong and you could be right that you shouldn't spoil them. I think the jury is still out on this one. Maybe you and your husband could talk about a little bit of a compromise on this one? I don't know, it's so hard when you and your hubby have different parenting ideas. I think the important thing is to just remember that both of your opinions are valid and that you are both just trying to help this little person become the best big person that he can be. Realizing that when it comes down to it you are both on the same page can help you guys to have a more open discussion about what is best.