10-2-2009 - Still unanswerd questions????

My mood while writing this blog: Wide awake

Good evening or good morning ladies. Here I am again 2:30am and wide awake. I was actually sleeping for once and then BAM wide awake with questions...

So as some of you may know me & my baby's father are not together, we were for a little while until he started dating someone else. (That's a whole nother story). Well we are still on "TEXT MESSAGING TERMS" with each other, so yes in a way we do still talk. I told him once I found out about his new girlfriend that I would keep him updated on the baby on how everything is coming along. I have accepted the fact that we aren't going to be together and that we are going to be this baby's parents for the rest of our life, reguardless of how I feel about the whole situation. In other words I''ve moved on knowing I'm doing this on my own. He still says he's going to be there after the baby's born...we'll see. No matter how I feel he still is the father, so I do have to do what's right for my baby.

Anyways, my questions are still not being addressed nor are my concerns, and this bothers me. Tonight is a perfect example, sleeping peacefully not a worry in the world and then I get woke up by my mind wondering. After I have this baby is he going to be nice enough to get me home? Is he going to want me to go to his home? Is he going to stay the entire time at the hospital with me? Is he going to want to have his newborn child somewhere that he's not? Is he going to have his girlfriend there with him at the hospital? (That one I already said no too but who knows.) If he wants me and the baby to go to his house for the first few days....is she going to be there? How many of his friends that don't like me are going to want to see my baby? How old should the baby be before I allow it to go to "daddy's house" without me?

This is both of our first child, so this is all completely new to both of us. But it's getting closer and closer and all of these questions are still up in the air. Like I said I'm not going to keep him from this child. If it ends up that he decides that, that's all on him. He'll have alot of questions to answer later in life. But for right now, I'm concerned about a newborn baby......how does a mother decide what's right for her and the father when they aren't together. I don't want to end up being that "bitch" that won't let him be a part of his child's life. And I don't want to be the jealous ex at the same time. Because honestly I'm not jealous of her and I'm not a bitchy person in general......but with that being said I've also never been a mother. This is all new to me.

How do I bring these questions up without sounding or coming off wrong? someone please help...