11-2-2009 - PISSED OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!

My mood while writing this blog: ANGRY

So in my blog from earlier today I was a bit unsure if I should have contacted the new girlfriend. Well I should have left it alone and not bothered, now I'm so pissed it makes me completely sick.

So around 6pm tonight she called me and we started to talk. At first I thought this was going to be a good talk so I was at ease with her, then things started to go bad. Mainly it was all just chit chat, but then when we started to get into everything I was completely blind sided by what she was telling me. This conversation covered everything from A to Z it lasted 2 1/2 hours. While we were talking she let me know......thinking I already knew and didn't.......she let me know that they started talking back in September and that she is the one who gave her number....knowing I'm pregnant. Well the part that is blowing my mind is I found out a week before christmas about the two of them. This is where one problem is for me......I got pregnant in July, found out in August, they started seeing each other in September. We were suppose to be working on being together from August on or so I thought. I would stay at his place about once a week sometimes 2-3 days even mainly in September. We both agreed from the get go that we had to get use to seeing each other more often. And the reason for this was when I got to my 7th month I was suppose to move in completely. He said that he wasn't going to be one of those weekend dad's....he didn't want that. So as far as I new everything was working out and no I didn't have blinder on either. I was going by what he was telling me and how he was acting....what else did I have to worry about. Well I should have known something was wrong but I didn't. So here I am tonight hearing all of this in shock, because it's not what I was told. I didn't know any of this. I had no clue that they had been talking let alone seeing each other.

After hearing that tonight I thought I was going to be sick, I mean truely sick because not only was he sleeping with me he was sleeping with her too. And according to her she knows for a fact that me and him were no longer sleeping together because that's what he told her. He had told her that we only slept together back in July. WOW!! That's funny to me because I was there each time and I'm pretty sure it had been going on since May and through October.....but hey if she knows then she must be right. She also let me know that I will never have the realationship with him that she does. Again, WOW!! I didn't know that sleeping with someone for 5 1 /2 months made you an expert on someone....but hey she knows him, keep that in mind at all times. So I must be a complete idiot because this game between me and him has gone on for 13 years plus we lived together for 4/5 years of that. (So please don't try to tell me who knows him better). Anyways another thing that she kept reassuring me about was that I just need to focus on what's good for me and the baby on my end and that THEY will focus on what THEY need to do for the baby on their end.......I mean seriously she's just the girlfriend, they are not married, she is not the stepmom. Oh and I can't forget about this minor detail......she let me know that once the baby is here she'll be the one coming to pick MY baby up on every friday. Now this is where I have a HUGE PROBLEM!!! I still have 9 weeks left and they are already deciding on when he's going to play dad, and not only him playing dad but her playing mom......this isn't going to work for me. This is how I see it, if he wants to see his child then he can come pick up the baby not her. She has nothing to with this. Yes they may together now, but that doesn't mean she gets a say in when this baby seeing it's dad. And another thing, this is a newborn baby we are talking about.

So by the end of our conversation I just wanted to throw up. There were alot more things that were said but it's making me angry all over again. Oh, I did say something that just made her mad....I told her flat out she wasn't allowed at the hospital, she asked why and I said because I won't allow it......I'm sorry but she has no buisness there. I also told her I was going to give the hospital a list of people and that her name wasn't going to be on it......that is my right to do, I'm the mother.

Now I get to sit here and wait to hear from him tomorrow....I really don't know if I even want too. I mean why? What's the sense in talking to him. He seems to have things all worked out for himself. What should anything I have to say make a differnce I'm just the person carrying this baby. I'm just the one who is going to be taking care of it by myself so why should I care to hear what he has to say.