25-4-2009 - Upset

My mood while writing this blog: just sad

So today is the big day that I have been dreading. Steve came and picked up Evan @ 9 this morning and will be bringing him back between 2:30 and 3 this afternoon. He had asked me originally about when was I going to let him have Evan overnight, but understood if I was uncomfortable letting that happen. Thursday when Steve came by we talked about it and I told him I wasn't ok with Evan being gone overnight. Steve didn't have a problem with it at all. So we agreed on 9 to 3. Well that was on thursday like I said, this morning came and I completely lost it. It came out of no where. Now all I can think about is how Evan is just being shown off like a kid does during show and tell to all of his friends. All of Steve's friends are coming by to see him. Some of them I know and some I don't know. There are a few that I personally can't stand. This why I'm upset. My baby boy is being passed around like he's some thing instead of a baby. Not to mention Evan has really only spent a total of maybe 10 to 15 hours with Steve...I really don't even think it's that many to be honest. So here it is going on noon and my little guy is stuck in a strange place with complete strangers. I feel like a terrible mother. But at the same time Steve does need to get to know Evan and that's all I really want. It's just hard. I was alone throughout my entire pregnancy and now that he's here daddy wants to step up. I'm trying really hard not to selfish about the whole situation...but he's mine as far as I'm conerned. And I do know I shouldn't be like this or feel like I am feeling about the whole thing. It's just alot harder than what I thought it would be. I've even picked the phone up a couple of times to call and see how things are going. But I didn't dial the number because I'm afraid if I hear Evan crying or fussing I'll want to just get in my car and go get him. I am trying so hard. I just want 2 o'clock to get here so that I know I'll be getting a phone call saying we're on our way.

Sorry if I'm being a big cry baby about this. I knew this was going to happen sooner or later.....I was just hoping it would be later, not when Evan is only a week 1/2 old.