klo0426's I-am-pregnantblog

klo0426
	Age: 34 Country: USA Province/region: City: Michigan Partner: single Children: Yes, 1 Pregnant: Not anymore Occupation:
	Online: 20 days ago. Last updated: 21 days ago. Member since: 305 days
\| Profile \| Photos (29) \| Children (1) \| Blog (59) \| Polls (0) \| Agenda (0) \| Comments added (18) \| Notepad

Members

Write a new blog

04-7-2009 - Trying to do the right thing

My mood while writing this blog:
unsure

I'm torn, trying to do what's right for everyone involved, this seems to be a theme with me these days.

So today we (myself and Steve) went and had the papers signed bye the Notary to have Steve acknowledge Evan as his son. If I hadn't asked him when he was going to get around to it I don't know how long it would have taken him to do it. He has been putting it off because he knows once this paper is signed and mailed in he'll be made to pay child support. Now don't misunderstand in anyway, I don't need the child support but because Evan has medicaid the state is making Steve pay, it's just a matter of when we go in front of the judge. Then the amount will be set and visitation.

Anyways after this past weekend I've been trying to do what's best for both Evan and Steve. Well after the papers were signed and we were standing next to ours cars he had asked me if I'm ok with how things have been going. So I told him no. I told him I can't let Evan go for the weekend stays anymore because he either comes back sick or has colic that takes a good 2 days to get rid of. I also told him that I don't understand why he has to second guess and question everything I say when it comes to Evan. I don't expect for Steve to be perfect but all the little things are starting to add up and I have to stop it some how. I let him know that I will never deny him of seeing Evan I just can't let him stay no more. Needless to say Steve didn't expect that. He thought I was going to say, everythings fine. He was on the verge of holding his tears back while we were talking.

I'm not trying to keep his son from him, that's the last thing I want. But I have to look out for Evan and his well being. Like I told him again (I've told him various times over the past two months) he can come see Evan whenever he wants, he can even come get him for the day but no more weekends. My door is always open to him when it comes to Evan. Until there is some type of visitation set up thru the court that says Evan is to go to his dads once a month, every other weekend, or whatever, little man is staying home. It has nothing to do with me and how I feel about the entire situation, it has to do with Evan. Evan need stabilty,a routine...he's only 10 weeks old not 10 months or 10 years.

Now some of my friends think I'm wrong for doing this. They have been thru everything with me and can't understand why I want to stop Steve from seeing Evan. I'm not stopping him from seeing him, I'm stopping the weekend stays. It would be completely different if Evan came back fine each time, but everytime there is something wrong. If Steve chooses not to see Little Man that's on him, not me. that his choice not mine.

Please ladies give me your opinions. I want to know if you guys think I'm doing the right thing here. It's a hard thing to figure out so I'm asking for some help.

5 Comments on Trying to do the right thing

TraceyL - Monday, 6 Jul
i think you are making the right decision not only for Evan but also for Steve even if Steve doesn't see it this way just yet. He (Steve) needs to learn that you are the mother and the major carer in Evan's life and therefore you do know what works and what doesn't specailly when it comes to Evan.

Hopefully Steve will realise that everything you are saying and doing at this moment in time is not a slur on his parenting abilities but you are just being a mum and putting your son first, which is what Steve needs to start doing.

i will you all the best hun xx

Aiona - Saturday, 4 Jul
Happy 4th of July, hon!

I have to agree, Evan is not even 3 months old, and already he's been hospitalized for respiratory issues, after coming back from his dad's -- whom you mention still smokes in the house.

It isn't right. If Evan is predisposed to having asthma/reactive airway disease, smoking could theoretically make the problems worse. I'd have to agree, that until he's older, the weekend stays should have to wait. Unless of course the court is going to make you do it. But, frankly, for Evan's health and safety, he sounds much better off being with you for these first few months.

As you said, you're not denying Steve the right to see him. You have already said he is welcome to come over to your (smoke-free) house.

People may not like what you're doing, but I'm sure they still love you. (Your friends I mean.) Evan's safety should always come first, and it certainly sounds like you're taking steps to make that so.

AKA.mom - Saturday, 4 Jul
I think you are doing the right thing. It's not like your stopping steve from seing evan. I would do the same if everytime my son came home something is wrong with him. Maybe then he(steve) will step up and say I need help and listen to you. He is your son and you have him more than a weekend so you know what he likes dislikes and what works when he is upset. I think once steve understands that everything will work out.

justuszanesmommy - Saturday, 4 Jul
I totally agree with you in it isnt fair for evan to have to keep getting sick or colic because he wont listen to your motherly instincts when it comes to evan. If i was in your shoes i would do the same thing

3girlmama - Saturday, 4 Jul
Reading through your blogs, I've wondered why it took you this long to inact this. I understand wanting to keep everyone happy, but right now you're the only one in that situation thinking that way! The girlfriend doesn't care about you being happy, and niether does Steve, so why worry about them. The ONLY person you should be concerned with is Evan. If he's happy and healthy that's all that matters. If you have aching feelings about things/people that he is exposed to, that's cause enough to stop the overnights. Not to mention that you and the dad don't talk while he's there and you have no control over the types of people and/or things that are around your baby when you're not. Dad or not, the things that have been occuring should not be and you have every right to protect your baby from potentially harmful situations. Tell Bev to step back! She has no place trying to raise this baby as her own, and sure as hell doesn't have the right to address him as "her baby". I'm not a big fan of hers...

Photos