06-1-2010 - its been to long...

My mood while writing this blog: exhausted

Helllllooo ladys,

I apologize for not writing in such a long time.Alot has changed in my life.Life has been very difficult the last 10 odd months.The last time I blogged was about the worst time in my life when I found out I had hsv2 Its hard but im finally coping with it and moving on with my life.Konnor is a year old!!!I cant believe how fast it went,it actually makes me sad.I wish he could just stay little hehe.He is 22 lbs and 31 inches long.Hes mamas little stringbean lol hes so lean,not a porker like he used to be.He is walking all over=)life of now is very exhausting and overwhelming,I really hope this gets better because im at a low in my life right now.konnors dad walked out on us 2 months ago.its been a struggle since then,mainly emotionally.Ever since we got back together in april its been bad.It was like at least 3 times a month he was moving out because we couldnt get along.It was so draining.It was like I fell out of love with him a long time,I could actually feel when we lost eachother...I was so miserable when we were together but now hes gone im just searching for all the good times and not remembering how bad it truly was.It makes me heart hurt knowing that konnor is missing out on his father,he barely see's him.He hasnt even saw him walk yet...Having konnor and growing up really made this relationship at its breaking point.I grew up and he wasnt ready....I miss just having someone here,althought it wasnt the best company it was someone.It's hard moving on, i actually dont even know why.I started talking to a really nice man,I even told him about the herpes and everything ive been through this last year and he was very open minded and comforting to me.I dont want to rush anything with anyone you know, but I dont want to be a single mother forever.Its just hard starting over with someone new.I never thought my life would turn out this way,but the one thing im thankful for is konnor.He has made me a better women and showed me what love is...Also I have gotten my own place its a nice little apartment.Ive been living here since about october.Its been a struggle financially but this hard time will pass in time.Im going to penn state now working on credits toward my bach in nursing, and in july I start lpn school.It a one year program and they make decent money. I wont need welfare anymore,and can support me and my son.I hate being on welfare its so embarressing.Oh they even have a day care center on site its amazing ....Im just going to wait to go to rn school once konnor is in kindergarden,I think it would be alot easier.Thats about my life as of now,its up and down alot lol.ladies I hope you all had a wonderful holiday=)your all great