03-6-2008 - the nerve of some people..

My mood while writing this blog: UGH

ok let me just start off by saying that i was raised in a christian home where we went to church every sunday morning, sunday night and again on wednesday. around my junior of high school i started to question it and decided it wasn't for me. now, 4 or 5 years later, i'm 20 years old. definitely old enough to make my own decisions. i met an amazing guy at college whom i love more than anything in the world. it was one of those things where as soon as you meet you just know you'll be together forever which is why neither of us had a problem with how fast we were moving when we met last july. we started dating july 22nd, got engaged december 7th and by the time middle of december came around, we started talking about having a baby. january 6th, we found out the happy news. we were both ecstatic. the only thing i was dreading was telling my family. even though we did what made us happy, we still had to face them. we finally told them after an emergency room visit. we were holding off till the first trimester was over and rather than being understanding, they got more upset over the fact we didn't tell them sooner. so anyways, whenever i bring the baby up around my grandparents, my grandpa will just totally blow it off like im messing around about being pregnant but my grandma's totally excited. at least she acts like it. she's been buying things for the baby already. the worst part i think about how people act is that my fiance and i went back home this weekend to see my family and went to church with them like we usually do and even though i was born and raised in that church, i was literally shunned when i walked in by everybody including the pastor. i just hate how closed their minds are and totally unaccepting of anything except what they believe in. it's like i'm supposed to understand the way they think and i hate it. i mean if someone says something to my face, i'll tell them honestly that it was a planned baby even though we weren't married and not some accident like they want to make her out to be. we talked long and hard before we decided to get pregnant making sure we could financially support a baby and everything. i mean, do people honestly think we just decided to have a baby without talking about it and making sure we could give her the wants and needs that a baby has? i even overheard someone [my grandfather] talking to someone at church and told them i just got pregnant for the attention. seriously, i'm not that attention deprived. i definitely let him know how i felt for that one. i just got sick of walking through my church and having people whispering to one another and looking at me. i'm sorry we didn't get married and pretend that we don't believe in premarital sex. get over it. let me live my life and do what makes me happy. don't bash me in middle of church and act like you're a bigger better person for it.

ok and total random people that i see at the grocery store who stop me and ask me when i'm due and if it's a boy or girl or whatever UGH go jump off a cliff. i've finally just gotten to the point where when someone asks me if i'm pregnant, i'll just be like 'no i just went crazy with cheesecake this week..'. ugh just some people drive me crazy....