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| 18-12-2008 - r.i.p. baby peyton |
My mood while writing this blog: crushed |
i never in my life thought i'd have to say this but we had our baby peytons funeral on wednesday. saturday night at 10.15 i fed her and my fiance put her in her crib even though we had to leave soon. at 10.35 he went in there to get her and he screamed for me to come into her room. her head was in a huge pile of vomit and she wasnt breathing and her face had already turned purple. we threw her in her carseat and didn't even buckle her in and drove to the ER. it seemed like the longest drive of my life even though it was only a few blocks. after we got there they started IV's and everything immediately. her dr (who'd seen peyton numerous times in the past month trying to figure out what was wrong with her because she'd been puking soooo much and so fussy) was a total nightmare. she came into the room i was waiting in, talking to my dad and telling him what happened and she came through the doors, interrupted me and told me i was lying to my dad and that she couldn't do anything to help our baby because she didn't have a heartbeat at all when she came into the hospital. even with the doctor visits we scheduled, she never took us seriously. she thought i was a worrysome mother who was overdramatic and all she ever said was 'switch formulas and come back in a week'. she was the most insensitive person i've ever come across in my life. after they said there wasn't anything they could do (they only tried for about 10 mins which definitely didn't seem long enough for me), i was holding and crying over my baby with a social worker and my fiance sitting with me and she sat across from me and said 'you know, i've had 7 miscarriages and i still have a baby'. it made me feel like i shouldn't be grieving the fact that i just lost my 2 1/2 month old daughter. she made me feel like i was never a strong mother and it was my fault it all happened. this was the same doctor that had a nurse in her office tell me to feed her until she pukes so i know she's full. common sense tells you that's the stupidest thing ever said to someone. when we decided it was best to leave the hosptial and had re-told the medical examiner everything that'd happened, we had to have a detective and police officer come to our house and take pictures of everything. at about 2am, we decided to try get some sleep. it never happened. everytime i almost fell asleep, i heard her crying. we gave up at about 7.30am and decided to drive 3 hours back to my hometown to be with my family. monday at 10am we met with the funeral home and made arrangements. tuesday i finally got to see my baby. she looked so peaceful laying in that tiny casket. we put her in a dress my 7 year old cousin bought for her with her allowance when before she was born. wednesday at 1 was her funeral. ill never forget how cold she was went i gave her a kiss and told her sweet dreams before they closed her casket. honestly, and i know a lot of people will say i'll change my mind, i don't want anymore children. if i can't have peyton i dont want any at all. i'd just like to thank all you ladies for supporting me through the pregnancy with my little angel.
37 Comments on r.i.p. baby peytonmamalvs4 -
Thursday, 30 Jul i am just now reading this and i am so sorry for your loss i can not even imagine and then having to deal with that WOMAN who calls herself a doctor........she should be brought up on malpractice lawsuits. how awful/ my prayers are with you, Peyton and your family. good luck and i hope you have a wonderful healthy pregnancy happyforest -
Thursday, 30 Jul i am just now reading this, and crying while doing it. i cant imagine going through something like that. i attended my friends baby's funeral, she lost him to SIDS at 2 days old, and it was the hardest thing i have ever done. i cant imagine it being my own. but i read this blog after i read ur newest blog about your BFP! so i see that you have changed your mind about having children. congrats to you! and you now have an angel watching over you and your pregnancy :) mpwifey -
Thursday, 25 Jun I know that this happened months ago but I cannot believe the pain you must stil be going through even when you are pregnant again. I have had miscarriages but I cant even believe or begin to imagine the pain of losing your daughter. I pray that everything goes well with this pregnancy and you are able to have a wonderful little bundle of joy with no bumps in the road. I am only 5 weeks pregnant and and emotonal as it is and this just mad eme ball my eyes out it took twenty minutes of me crying to finally be able to tell you that you are in my prayers and I hope that the pain of losng Peyton one day dulls just a little cause I can imagine it is heartbreaking and you will always remember and love her! Good luck hun!! brandyboo -
Sunday, 17 May I am so sorry hun, I cant imagine what you are going through... I am just so sorry is all I can say, I cant stop crying... You will be in my prayers tawny::cakes -
Monday, 27 Apr oh my gosh, this made mre cry =[ i am sooo sooo sorry for your loss! im sorry her pediatrician was such a nightmare! what a horrible women =[[[ i hope you're doing okay, i know losing her is something you will never get over... but everything heals with time. no parent should ever have to bury their child. i will pray for you and your family... take care. 1sttimemommie2009 -
Wednesday, 18 Mar I stumbled upon your page and I just want to say honey "I've been there". In fact some days I still feel how you do. And my daughter passed at birth. If yu ever need to talk, scream, or whatever...I'm here. I totally understand. Be strong for Peyton, she's watching over you, make her proud! ~*KamBreasMommie~* -
Tuesday, 3 Mar OMG I am not even on your friendlist but I came across your page and saw your baby's pic before reading this and said to myself....OM goodness she is sooooo beautiful in her bubblebee outfit, I am sooooo sorry for what has happened to you and your family, I mean I can't say I feel your pain, I just feel so sad for you, may GOD be with you
Love,
Kristen *Baby-Mine* -
Wednesday, 14 Jan OH-MY-GOSH!!! Honey i am SOOO sorry!! i had NO idea!! i cant even IMAGINE what you're going through....i dont even know what to say....Please accept my DEEPEST condolensces and sorrow, my heart aches after reading your story. Dont you worry, that Dr. will get what's coming to her. are you gonna sue her for wrongful death?
I will keep you and your family in my prayers, and please know i'm here if you ever need to talk, or rant or anything. <3 Liz3 -
Tuesday, 23 Dec I am sorry for your loss. You and your family are in my prayers... Much love and condolences to you..
Take care!! ♥
jfer -
Monday, 22 Dec I am sorry. Please take care. jagv -
Monday, 22 Dec Sweetie, I am so terribly sorry for your loss. You and yours are in my thoughts and prayers. tiana g. -
Monday, 22 Dec I am so sorry for your loss honey, no mother or father should EVER have to go through this! I would sue the hell out of that doctor although NO money will ever replace your beautiful Angel.. donate the money but make that NO GOOD DOCTOR PAY for her negligence!!! You family will be in my prayers honey!! Always!!! cblack -
Monday, 22 Dec Honey that is a hard story to read and an even more unimaginably hard story to live iknow...i am very sorry for your loss...you will be in my prayers. acidmoonfairy -
Monday, 22 Dec Try to stay strong. You will be with Peyton again someday. jenadamandbaby -
Sunday, 21 Dec I am just crying my eyes out...i am just so sorry.... rathi -
Sunday, 21 Dec I am really sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with your family....lots of hugs, takecare dear! cheatingho -
Saturday, 20 Dec I am so so sorry for your loss. You and your family are in my prayers. I am sorry for the treatment that you recieved at the hospital. lmb2709 -
Saturday, 20 Dec I can't even say how sorry I am for you. Just keep your head up. And always remember the good times you had with Payton even if is was short. You and your family have my prayers. purdypants -
Friday, 19 Dec im so very sorry for your loss. i hope that you get to see your little angel in your dreams. it will help cope with the pain getting to see her every night. i wish you the best. FirstTimeMommyR -
Friday, 19 Dec I am so, so, so, so sorry. If you ever want to talk, please contact me. You and your family are in my prayers. xxx (()) bumpage -
Friday, 19 Dec I'm so sorry for your loss words cant not heal that but our thoughts are with you x mamamia76 -
Friday, 19 Dec I cannot imagine what you are going through right now. You are in my thoughts. <3 amber325 -
Friday, 19 Dec I am so sorry for your loss, I know words dont really help heal. I am praying for you and your family. God is watching over her and playing with her daily, til You are reunited in heaven carleesmom -
Friday, 19 Dec I am so sorry for your loss. Burying your little one is the hardest thing you'll have to do. I had to bury our little girl too, so I can say I somewhat understand where you are coming from. Please feel free to message me, if you need someone to talk to. I know my experience wasn't the exact same though. RIP Peyton becky-wheatman -
Friday, 19 Dec My thoughts are with you and your family at this terribly difficult time. The angels will look after your beautiful daughter until you meet again. Look after yourself xxx LM232 -
Friday, 19 Dec omg im shocked. I am soo sorry this happened to you. I know words cant make anything better, but you should know your baby girl is in heaven with god watching over you. You will be together again. I know this must be so hard for you and I will keep you in my prayers. Julianna -
Friday, 19 Dec I have no words. I am so sorry for your loss. I can barely see through my tears as I write this. I just simply can't imagine how empty you must feel and want to remind you to try to "fill" yourself with the happy memories that you shared during your daughters' brief stay on earth! I wish I could reach out and hug you and tell you that it will all pass, but I know that won't help you right now. Just one thing you must try to do is take care of yourself thorugh this all. I know it will be hard, but do it for Peyton. She'd want her mommy to be healthy:) May God wrap his loving arms around you and help you through this difficult time :( gr8scottswife -
Friday, 19 Dec I am so sorry for you. That is a mother's worst nightmare. I'm sorry it happened to you. The medical practices in this country are appalling. What is there to say? I hope your memories with Peyton will be treasures instead of heartaches. JenWVU -
Friday, 19 Dec You and your family are in my prayers. I have no words to say as I am about in tears reading your story. I am angry for you about the treatment you received at the doctors office and at the hospital. Nobody should ever be treated like that!! What a group of insensitive people! May God fill your heart with peace. LilMrsK -
Friday, 19 Dec I am so sorry to read your story. Many prayers have been said for you and your family. Take care of yourself and know that we are all here if you need us. xoxo halsmom -
Friday, 19 Dec My prayers are with you and your family. I believe baby Peyton is sitting with Jesus now and I hope you can find a small amount of relief in that. I am sorry for the ugly treatment you received at the hospital and from the Dr. I will continue to keep you in my thoughts and prayers. CatwithKitten -
Friday, 19 Dec I am so sorry for your loss. I hope that your families can give you the support that you two need. *LilyGracesMummy* -
Friday, 19 Dec I'm in total shock. you poor porr thing. i'm so so sorry to hear about baby peyton and I'm disgusted with the treatment u recieved. Your r in my thoughts. sending huge hugs xxxxx pls take care of yourself xxxxx JordanAndKarasMummy -
Friday, 19 Dec Our thoughts are with you and your family. Your angel is watching over you now. RIP baby peyton xxx Trying again 09 -
Friday, 19 Dec I am really sorry to hear about your loss, my heart just crumbled when i read your blog. Our thoughts are with you both in this difficult time. I hope you both find peace in your heart soon. Rest in peace beautiful Peyton, you will be missed. X noobailey -
Friday, 19 Dec im so sorry to read of your loss ....my heart breaks for you ...xxxx
thinking of you and your partner x GabeMom -
Friday, 19 Dec I have no words, and I am crying. My heart goes out to you. May God give you peace in your heart in the upcoming weeks.