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05-2-2009 - I'm a Shitty Mom

My mood while writing this blog: depressed

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So its been a good and bad week so far. On monday my husband and i took cadence to see her new doctor. For those who don't kno, i had to switch from a military doctor to a civilian. The military doctors just kept blaming cadence's fussiness on colic without even examining her first. Well, anyway, her new doctor listened to my husband and i very closely and after we were through he came up with the conclusion that she has acid reflux. So now cadence has been on Zantac since monday and not much has changed. On monday she was so great and happy all day. Then tuesday came and she was back to her usual crying for no reason self. The only difference that i can see from her taking the meds is that she doesn't spit up as much. She still cries during and after feedings and all day long. I don't kno what to think anymore. I swore that the meds were the answer to our problems but i guess i was wrong. I mean is it supposed to take some time before it works its magic or will she always be this way? I'm freaking losing my damn mind over this kid. I didn't think being a mom was going to ever be this hard. Lately i've been crying more than her. So sad. I keep hearing from everyone that its going to get better but i've been waiting two months for this miracle to occur. The more she cries the more i feel detached from her and i hate feeling that way. I'm her mom and my job is to make her feel better but i can't seem to do that. This is making me so depressed to the point were i want to send her to my moms for a week to find myself again. I have totally lost myself in all this and i just feel like shes sucking the life out of me. Please don't get me wrong, i love my daughter more than life itself but what kind of mom can't make things better. I hate even thinking these things about her but i just feel alone and lost. It doesn't help that when my husband finally gets his ass home from work he'll hold her for a second then when she starts to cry he hands her to me. I get so ticked because i have to listen to it all day and he can't even handle it for 5 mins. Please! Sorry i'm ranting on and on but it makes me feel so much better to write it all down. I have no one out here so its nice coming on here to vent my frustration out. So if no one has advise for me its cool because i've pretty much heard it, read it, and tried it all. Maybe instead of trying to make her feel better, maybe i'm the problem. I must be. I hate to admit it but being a mommy is really depressing me..........

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12 Comments on I'm a Shitty Mom


lila2cute:-) - Saturday, 13 Nov
My niece destiny who is now 13 years old cried and cried as a newborn, we were told she had colic. The thing was she never outgrew the colic stage. She seriously cried for at least 3-4 hours a day till she was 3. It was crazy! My sister was a teen mom and lived at home with my niece until destiny was 4. I am totally not exaggerating at all! I was around 14 when destiny was born but my sister had tons of help from me my mom, brothers, and grandma. I think my sister would have lost her mind if she had to do it alone. My niece was and in many ways still is a fussy crybaby :-D I say that with a smile on my face now but I did not truly bond with destiny until she was a bit older. It's hard. I think now looking back on it, destiny was and is very fussy but at the same time the happiest cutest little girl in the entire world. I know its hard and sometimes there is no reason. If your mom can and will take her for a few days I say do it! As long as she is safe, do it! You owe it to yourself and to your daughter to rest and find yourself. Oh and I know it gets hard but put her in her room and let he at it. Sometimes a girl just needs a good cry. No one can understand unless they have been there. I know that destiny is not my daughter but I lived through it. This too will pass. ((HUGS)) Good luck

hayleymorgan - Sunday, 8 Feb
girl --im so sorry, i cant say i know how it is. bc i dont, but i do know something! there are pasifiers online, and in stores here THAT ARE FOR FUSSY/COLIC babies....try em! its worth a shot! for me!! please! :) just google GUMDROP pasifiers! they have a sent- they use them all around the US for colic babies try it out!

love yAAA

Love78 - Saturday, 7 Feb
I know a lot of mom's going through the same thing, so you are not alone. My daughter had a few fussy weeks, but then she was fine. Those few weeks were really difficult for me too. My husband does the same thing where he will pass the baby off right away when she start to cry. Sometimes it seems like being a mom you never get a break. One of my friends said she started giving her daughter oatmeal and it helped quite a bit with her daughter's reflux. Another one of my friends said that her son had trouble with formula...apparently he cannot break down the proteins in it, so she's stuck breast feeding her son. Hopefully, the doctors will figure out something to work for Cadence soon! Hang in there.

margysd - Saturday, 7 Feb
Hey Kristen, I just read your post. You are not a bad mother at all. This is very challenging, especially with all of the hormones. Each baby is different and their needs change at each stage of development.

I have also had times where my daughter Elsa would cry and it seemed like no matter what I did I could not get her to relax. Then after a while I figured out what I needed to know. It is frustrating because we all want to be the best mothers that we can be. Please do not get down on yourself. I know that the answers to this will come as well. You are a good mother. Margy

vanessag7 - Friday, 6 Feb
Oh sweety, beleive me we ALL feel the same way at times. Have you tried gripe water? Its supposed to help an upset tummy and might be worth a shot if you havent tried it already. The other thing to try is lay her on her back and press her knees up into her chest to see if she has wind caught up in there, kind of like riding a bike motions.
Anastasis wont sleep and its drivng me nuts so I can empathise. I would try a few web sites as well to see what hints they might have, I go to http://www.cyh.com/HealthTopics/HealthTopicsAlpha.aspx?p=121#c a lot.
I hope it gets better for you real soon and dont beat yourself up over this, you not alone xx

Rebecca - Thursday, 5 Feb
Hey hun! I was hoping to hear from you and that Cadence was better. Glad to hear that you have a new Dr for her. Maybe you should take her back if its still not working. I cant remember but are you formula feeding or breast feeding her? Maybe she is allergic to milk, she could have a bowel obstruction as well. That is maybe the reason she cries after she eats. My sister had this when she was a baby. It took them forever to diagnose it maybe you can ask your dr if that could be an option?? Have you tired soy milk? Or you could ask your dr for the baby lacteeze for lactose intollerance. Maybe thats what she has?? Im not sure what other advice to give you. I feel so bad for you, I watched a friend of mine go through the same thing with her son it was heartbreaking! How far away is your mom from you? Maybe it would be a good idea if she could watch her for you for a few days just so you can get away. You need a break and are TOTALLY entitled to it. Just because you are a mom dosnt mean you dont need a break. You are doing a great job as a mom, look at her shes growing and thriving. I give you all the credit in the world you are a harder working mom then most, cudos to you! Stand up to your dr and dont let them tell you that nothings wrong...theres ALWAYS a reason for everything, it just might take longer to find the answer! Take care hun...and if you ever need to talk to someone just message me!

lizzy831 - Thursday, 5 Feb
I don't have much addvice either. I'm sorry its been a tough road so far. my oldest daughter cried day and night for a year( she had an ear infection all the time) I did take her to my parents every saturday to get some sleep and some me time. sounds like u could use a few hours too. also when dad is home hand her over tell him 10 min. that 10 min. can do a lot sometimes. good luck and wish I could help more.

Ashlie25 - Thursday, 5 Feb
I work on a maternity floor and I spend a lot of time in the nursery since I became pregnant. When I get a cranky/fussy baby we use warm blankets to calm them. If you have a dryer it would work the same as our blanket warmers. Try putting a couple of her receiving blankets in there and when it gets nice and warm wrap it around her belly. Also recruit some help so you can have a day to be you and not a mom for a few hours. Good Luck maybe this will help even a little.

number5forme - Thursday, 5 Feb
I am sorry that you are feeling so low.

We are all lead to believe that motherhood just 'comes naturally' but it is not true - there certainly isnt a manual given out is there! You will learn as you go along.
It does sound like it would be worthwhile speaking to your Dr about your feelings - ALOT of mothers go through a period of POST NATAL DEPRESSION. This may or may not be what is happening with you but it is best for both you and your baby to check just in case...
It is very frustrating as a Mum to not know what is going on with our children or to be feeling like a bad or inadequate mother - YOU ARE NOT BAD AND NOT IINADEQUATE, you are just LEARNING!!!! Its ok to ask for some help...hopefully you are getting some support from your partner also. The more tired that you are and the more stressed, the less able you feel like you can cope. Leave your baby in (safe) hands for a little while and take a nap or go out and do something fun and/or relaxing for yourself and you will come back all fresh again and ready for another 'battle' so to speak.
I hate to say this as I would really like you to see that things WILL get better in time (and with lots of practice) but wait until you get to teenage years UGGHHH Give me a manual on that one please!!!!!
Good luck and I hope you cheer up soon (follow up on the PND even if its just to rule it out) and if you have any questions (I still dont know everything and I have had 5 children!!) and I will try to help you out.
Take care

mamix2nluv - Thursday, 5 Feb
you should go with the option you posted about letting her stay at your moms for a week...you need to give the medicine time...and yourself...dont feel like your an incompetent mother b/c what person wouldnt honestly lose there mind right now....let your mom take her for a week and go relax..it wont make you a bad mom...sometimes these things just need to work themselves out...my aunts daughter had colic and she managed thru it by herself....dont give up bc in the end it'll all work out no matter what...i wish i could help...but im pretty sure we're far apart...you just need a little mommy vacation.....you know she could be picking up on your stress too....they say children pick up on our stress...think about that vacation seriously...

AmelieSusan - Thursday, 5 Feb
Although I would like to offer you advice, I simply can't. I'm so sorry that you are having such a difficult time. I can only imagine just how overwhelming it all must be. Don't give up and know that it is okay to feel down (you are only human & this is all very new) and that you are NOT a bad moma. I agree that you should inform your doctor of your feelings. Also, if you allow your husband to give in that easy, he always will. Five minutes with daddy (crying or not) is NOT enough time. Good luck and trust in your heart that with a little bit more help and time, things will get better.

mandyd829 - Thursday, 5 Feb
if you are feeling depressed you should talk to your doc. Maybe you have an imbalance. Meds can help with that. i know how you feel my 1st son was very fussy too. i felt like a crappy mom. you will get through it and it will get better but in the mean time if you need something to take the edge of there is no problem with that. a lot of us new moms need it. i did.