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31-8-2009 - why do I feel like my skin is crawling?!

My mood while writing this blog: irritated

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Why am I so uncomfortable? I'm uncomfortable with everything! I'm uncomfortable in my own skin, uncomfortable in my house. It's this feeling that I'm not doing enough fast enough.. it's like I feel guilty to even sit down and enjoy myself. I know I'm a mom of 3 and I know I just had a baby TRUST me I know all of this. What is it then? Its maybe guilt? guilt that I made the decision to have this large family now I need to keep up with it all of it. Maybe I'm guilty because I don't make any income. Maybe I'm guilty because I don't have the time to share with them all individually. I can't just take one and leave the other 2 or can I? Maybe i just need to take a chill pill right? It can't all be done at one time. It's these O.C.D. things I'm catching myself doing. The toys.... the little ones need to be in the little toy box and the big ones in the big toy box. It's these things, these "lists" I make that will never be done... never be perfect so why do i make them? Am I just making the task at hand to large for me to handle so I can complain about it freak out and then not do it at all? Am I focusing on stuff to much? I feel like if it's not done by ME it will never be done.. Im the ONLY woman in a house of 5 now. It's true, I am the only one that will do these things, clean these things.. or maybe I'm just making a mountain out of a mole hill like my mom says and this is all just normal. Maybe every woman in america that has a family has all this to do and manages to get it done or schedule it around her busy life? I just know that I'm starting to feel like a crazy person and I feel like I'm becoming a major bitch not having thigs in their right place in their correct order. Ramble ramble ramble... lol

I don't see how I'll ever be like these women you see on TV. The perfect clean house, perfect home cooked food, perfect kids with their perfect schooling. It's all hit me. I'm not perfect but for my kids I'll try as hard as I can. So I guess I'll get back to it.

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4 Comments on why do I feel like my skin is crawling?!


cath1978 - Wednesday, 9 Sep
reading your story is scary as you have descibed my life. i feel the same way being the only women in this house of 5. i can't give you an answer as im in the same dilemma, however, its nice to know that im not the only person feeling this way. saying that im having a girls night out this weekend and i plan to drink ALOT...come join me down under....lol

calisto - Tuesday, 1 Sep
i know exactly how you feel and im a mum of 5 so dont worry i think its normal to feel a bit like that xxx

momof3krzyboys - Tuesday, 1 Sep
I agree, all normal, my house is so gross I won't even take my shoes off!! LOL, and we are always at least 15 min late for everything now. If I do clean the house, it only stays clean for maybe a day then they all ruin it again so whats the point!?

GeoS - Monday, 31 Aug
Oh girlie!! I feel the same way as a mom of...1 baby boy, it feels I've lost control of everything so I can only imagine how hard this must be for you. I know it may sound hard to do but take it one step at a time, don't ask me how, don't know yet...But I do know that you are a perfect mom for your boys, a perfect woman for your man, a perfect housewife for your family and a perfect friend for me and you don't need to envy those fake, shiny, "wish to have" families of the TV. You got yourself a real one and it is soooo superior to all that shown on the screen because its all yours. Hang on there sweetie, things will find their way, just give them some time. Love Georgia.