21-11-2010 - A year ago today...

My mood while writing this blog: sad

A year ago today my great grandpa passed away, these are just some poems I have found that fit our relationship and how I've felt since hes left our lives. Im very sad at the fact he cannot be here to meet my son, but we are putting John as his middle name in honor of him

A thousand times we needed you
A thousand times we cried
If love alone could have saved you
you never would have died
A heart of gold stopped beating
two twinkling eyes closed to rest
God broke our hearts to prove he only took the best
never a day goes by that you’re not in my heart and my soul.

So many things we never got to do
So many conversations we never got through
I feel lost and empty now
Every day I ask, how?
I could feel nothing when you died
I felt I wanted to run and hide
Run and hide cause I felt blind
Peace and and clarity I couldn't find
They say when you die your soul just flies away
I wanted to chase your soul, so for another day you could just come and stay
You were my Grandpa, you taught me how to stand on my own
Now that you’re gone, I feel as though I can’t do it alone
I've tried so hard to see things through and become the person you wanted me to be
Sometimes it’s just so hard being me
I'd give anything if I could just talk to you once more
To see you walk through the door
and tell me that everything was going to be alright for sure
When I look into the sky I picture you staring down
Which is why I have no reason to frown
All the things you taught me, all the songs we use to sing
Now you’re gliding under God’s precious wings
I hope He’s taking good care of you because now you’re in His place
I hope all your worries and all your fears have left your face
I never got so say goodbye that was the worst part
But I know that when you left secretly you said goodbye to my heart
So when I lay myself into bed tonight
I know you'll always be there to hold me tight.

I know it hurt you
It hurt me too,
But now that you're gone
All I know is I miss you

You were there for so long,
I never thought you would leave.
I though you had another year
Waiting up your sleeve.

The day that you left
Was the saddest of my life.
I remember sitting at home
And crying all day and night.

I might be selfish
But I wish you were here.
Or if you stayed
For one more year.

I know you loved me
And I still love you too.
So I'm trying to be strong
Just for you.

I know I'm not perfect.
I know I'll never be.
I just hope you're up there
And that you're proud of me.

You had to let go
Even though you were holding on for so long
But there's not a day I don't think of you,
And how you were so strong.

I just want to tell you
That you're always in my heart.
Even though I still cry
I know we're not apart.

Thinking of you, Grandpa