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25-9-2009 - Being a deaf parent!

My mood while writing this blog: anxious!

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Theres one thing i've never shared with any1 on IAP and thats that i am deaf, its something i find hard to share with people (prob sommit to do wiv my pride) and i was able to make friends and be myself with people on here without worrying wot they wud think of me...i can hear with 2 hearing aids but without them i have 90% hearing loss...so basically no hearing at all. I am classed as disabled but i dont see myself like that, i see myself as normal, i can hear (with the aids) and speak and do everything a "normal" person can do so i dont set myself apart, however u can imagine the worries this is causing me as i prepare to have my 1st baby, how am i goin to cope? how will i hear him crying when i am asleep with no aids in? what if i pass on my disability to my precious son...i dont have a partner to help me with these things, i will have to rely on electrical appliances such as pagers and buzzers. the man just came to give me an assessment to see if i can get some of these appliances from social services, the most important one for me is the buzzer that vibrates under my pillow when my baby cries in the night, this is wot im most worried about, he sed i can have it free (it costs £295) from social services but the waiting time for delivery is....4 weeks...my due date is 2 weeks :-( mum has sed she will be here to help and will even sleep in my room those 1st couple of weeks to wake me when bean cries but i feel selfish doin that, she has to get up and work all day, she doesnt need me an bean keeping her up thro the night as well :-( i dont want my boy to start resenting me thinking im ignoring his cries if i dont hear him....blah sorry had to blog to u guys cos im real worried now and dont know how to feel :-(

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20 Comments on Being a deaf parent!


mere-and-girl - Thursday, 8 Oct
Hi. I have seen your comments on the week by week several times, and finally looked at your profile. I have been really good friends with people that have deaf families, and from that I can tell you that your other senses will more than make up for the deafness. If you are really worried about it though, you can wear a hearing aid in one ear when you sleep. I would put it in the ear that is normally facing up when your head is on the pillow, if nothing else for comfort. There was a lady on 'a baby story' that did this. While it can be uncomfortable and affect your sleep a bit, it is a temporary fix until you are able to get the monitor. As far as passing it on to your child, try not to worry too much about it. My sister was 95% deaf when she was born, so I have thought a lot about if I were to have a deaf child. I feel that there are a million other things that could be wrong with my bean that would be absolutely devestating. While being deaf isn't always easy, like you said, you don't feel disabled, and you're still able to enjoy life. Don't worry too much, and smile hun!!

laurapink - Tuesday, 29 Sep
hey , just read your blog, YOu are such a strong person and you'll be fine. I do think instinct will kick in and you'll rock as a mum. my hidden disability is that im epileptic, something ive never shared with anyone online, and i too worry about passing it on to my baby, but you cant dwell on these things too much and we just have to concentrate on doing the best job we can. I think we will be cool. p.s i got down there waxed last week, and i would severly reccommend it.....my doot was like a jungle, but it doesnt even look like my doot still.i actually have a fat doot now. lol

cindyj - Saturday, 26 Sep
Aww, I don't think I have ever commented to you, but Im from soon to be wk 35, and I read your comments all the time in the week by week. You seem like such a sweet and funny person. I just read this blog and it brought tears to my eyes!!! You are going to be a wonderful mother!! Your mother instincts will kick in as soon as that baby is born. Please don't ever think that your little baby would resent you. I wish you all the best!!! Big hug to you right now!!!

mamabear13 - Saturday, 26 Sep
What about having him sleep in the bed with you until you get the buzzy thing? they have those little things that are like a box made of cloth then you would be more likely to feel him move. Not only that, I think it's kinda a mother's instinct thing, your body will naturally wake you every couple hours anyway (instinctively to nurse). Don't fret, you will be a wonderful mother. Just like yours is there for you :) Besides, if she is offering to help, what better sight could you wake to then your mother handing you your child? The two most special people in your life :)

lenatimes3 - Saturday, 26 Sep
sweetie never think you won't be as good a mother just because of something like that you will do great and god will bless you with the ability to be the best mom there and as for ur mum helping i know you don't wanna be a burden on her but trust me you won't she's going to be extremely overjoyed to be with her daughter and grandson and trust me babies don't resent you for not always jumping when they cry trust me if that was the case mine should hate me by now lol you will do fine don't worry xoxoxo

mumdibs - Friday, 25 Sep
wow you such a strong person! and just wait until your mothering instinct sets in with your baby.... the bond between a mother and her baby is amazing and you will blow yourself away when you realize even before bean crys you will be there. its because you are deaf that you will be able to do these extraordinary things because all of your other sences are so much stronger. you are so my hero! his hearing will be fine you have to think positive, but if it isnt you are already so prepared because you are there in his shoes. awe you are going to be such a great mother!

ProudYoungMummyX - Friday, 25 Sep
aw babe i never knew you wo death.. && what do you mean 'normal' being death doesn't make you any less normal than anyone else.. i'm sure your son won't be death love, i'm almost positive. i dont think death is genetic (or whatever the word) it'll be fine love..&& don't feel selfish your mum is ther 2 help yhoo art, thts wt mums is ther 4 =] ..i'm sure yhoo wud do it 4 yhoor son, yhoor mum loves yhoo t bits she obv wnts t help art =] ..LOVE YHOO CHICK..xxx

piglet2686 - Friday, 25 Sep
wow! thats crazy cool that they have that stuff to help you out! i am sure everything will be just fine! you are gonna be a great mommy!!! I am sure that everything will fall into its place!!! no worries!!! be happy!

beanbump - Friday, 25 Sep
Hey sweet, don't sweat hun....u will be fine. Don't be shy about being deaf...we all love ya...no matter wot.....people who judge others by their disabilities are just twats....its only two weeks for ur mumzie to help out, take the offer chick....dont feel guilty....I would do it for my daughter and Im sure my mum would do it for me...dont worry huni......god Im sooooo cheesed Im soooo ready to have this little boy...bet u r too xxxxx

Kim-baby-2 - Friday, 25 Sep
I can understand your concerns but I think everything will work out fine and you will be a great mommy. :) If your mom didn't want to help out she wouldn't have offered. Word of advice- take any and all offers to help out :) :) :) More than likely you will be waking up more than you think to check on the baby, whether he is crying or not. You will be amazed at the things you will do once your LO arrives- your instincts will kick in and everything will fall in place!!

*Ashlynns*Mama* - Friday, 25 Sep
trust me dear with the beginning of raising your baby you will appreciate any help you can get. even if you just take it from your mom at night for when the baby cries. all she will need to do is wake you when the baby starts crying and she can lay back down. i'm glad you could share this with us, you know we wouldn't judge you EVER but i also know how it is about some peoples "pride" with things but none of us on here would even think twice about this. my fiance's little sister is fully deaf and i worry about if my little girl will come out like that (seeings how it runs in his side of the family) but then i just think about it and i know it doesn't matter. i'm going to love my little girl no matter how she comes out with any problems or not. you little man won't think you are neglecting him...its just something you will have to get used to and when you do it'll all be better :-) keep your head up!

PAllenbaby - Friday, 25 Sep
OH and the Graco baby monitor that I got for our baby vibrates when the baby cries. You could also look into something like that while you wait for yours to come :)

PAllenbaby - Friday, 25 Sep
Sweety, thank you for sharing with us something that was probably difficult to tell us. We are always here for you! That being said you will be a GREAT mother! I can already tell-you are sooo excited every time you talk about your little one. I am a first time mom also and we share a lot of the same fears, that is normal. I have been told by MANY people to take the help that others offer in the beginning. That it may be hard but really Im going to have my mom stay over at my house probably too and whatever anyone wants to help with... Great! Let them help! That is awesome that you have such a supportive family. You will be a great mother no worries on that part!

claire louise - Friday, 25 Sep
Your far from selfish hun. I think you should let your mum help you. I have a deaf friend who has a 1 yr old and there doing just fine. Of course your gonna worry like any first time mum would but im sure you and bean will do just fine. xx

ilovemyangels - Friday, 25 Sep
Take your mums help, its not selfish, if your mum didnt want to do it she wouldnt have said she would, and it wont be for long. You will be amazed at how little help you will need anyway like the ladies say you sleep so lightly, You will be a fab mummy try not too worry, i no its easy for me to say xx

Mandy-n-Eoins-Peanut - Friday, 25 Sep
Sam, what you might find helpful is a routine started from the very beginning. When my daughter was born she was jaundiced and had to be fed every three hours on the dot to flush it from her system. I never heard her cry at all for those first few weeks, because I always had to wake her, instead of her waking me. Maybe something like this would work for you? And if there was a time where he cried and you didn't hear him, then your Mom will. Don't worry about either of them feeling resentful towards you. We all need a helping hand at some point! The waiting list for the buzzer is 4 weeks, yeah? We'll probably still be here, pregnant and miserable together then anyway. lol

1blessedmomma - Friday, 25 Sep
Hun, you're gonna be just fine!! Let your mom help as much as she wants cuz you're gonna need it. Esp. without a mate. I'll be praying for you and hope you can get your buzzer b4 little one comes. :-)

saawmummy - Friday, 25 Sep
You will be a fantastic mum, hearing or no hearing. It also seems like you have a fantastic loving mum who will be there for you. Trust yourself you will be fine

mommylove09 - Friday, 25 Sep
Please don't worry so much - your mommy instincts will kick in and you will do wonderfully. I would take the free device and let me your mum help you out until it arrives. She wants to! She gets to spend all that time with you and your little one.

supermomnikki - Friday, 25 Sep
I understand that you would be scared and worried about not hearing your child. I think It might be hard at first but your a mother and a mothers instict is very strong and you'll know if your baby needs you. I think if your mom is offering to help you, I think you should gladly accept. Your not being selfish, by allowing her. Your her daughter and she loves you and mothers will do everything they can to help their children when there in need. You'll learn very soon that a mothers love is stronger then anything! Oh and most baby monitors vibrate and very strongley too, i'm sure you could feel it just put it on your pillow. When you have that baby you'll be such a light sleeper that you'll be amazed on how well you cope and hadle things. Mother Nature is a amazing thing. Women are amazing and you'll be amazing! I really wish you the best! Please do not feel selfish for asking for help when you could use it. It's not like your taking advantage of someone or using them you may need it and if it's offerd you should except! Everything will work out fine! Again Good Luck!!!