27-6-2008 - Stressed!!!

My mood while writing this blog: Worried

Well, I'm freaking out a little bit. I've been off work now since mid-May because of hip issues and SPD, plus the nature of my job, my doctor didn't want me working anymore. Ryan was working as a car salesman, he was still on probation but things looked really good. His sales were in line with the rest of the guys in the dealership who'd been doing it for 20+ years and this was his first time in sales. Everything looked fantastic.

Then it got slow. Gas prices keep going up and less and less cars are being sold. This isn't just for him, it's a cross-town epidemic. All the dealerships are hemmoraging money right now. On top of that, he works for a group of dealerships which is in the process of being bought out by some new guys, all of whom have expressed how impressed they are at how well Ryan was doing.

And then the shock comes. I'm laying on the couch one night, struggling to keep food down as my morning sickness still comes back from time to time, and he comes home from work looking especially morose. I ask him how his day was and he just walks past me to the bedroom to get changed. "I'll tell you in a minute" he says. Umm .... weird. Ry is always happy when he gets home from work. He enjoys his job for once and this is just totally not like him. So he comes back out. "I just got let go."

Oh. FUCK. What the hell are we supposed to do??? Well luckily these new guys buying out the dealership like Ryan. I guess they had an opportunity to bring in some high pressure, big city salesman and they are hoping he's going to "turn things around" for the dealership. Unfortunately, because Ryan's probation happened to be up and he's also the least experienced, he had to be the one to take the axe. But, fret not, they offered him a job in detailing making the same as his guarantee was, plus the opportunity to work some occassional overtime. Sounds good, right?

It would be if he was actually detailing. But he's not. He's basically lot bitch now. He went from getting dressed up to go to work in his fancy office in the comfy air conditioned building, to picking up garbage, pulling weeds, running boxes up and down the stairs ... just basic dirty bitch work. Not only is this an enormous kick in the balls for him, it completely deflated him, he's so depressed, he comes home for lunch now every day looking like someone just ran over his dog. I don't know what to do. I'm almost 37 weeks pregnant, can't work, and am getting the bare minimum to cover my debt payments. What he's making now will leave us barely anything for groceries after all our bills. Now all I can think about is ... okay, when the baby is born, I'll take a few weeks then back to work I go ... I unfortunately make more than he does so if he gets what I get from EI and I make my normal money, we should be ok ... But here's the catch ...

I can't go back to my old job! I mean, I can, but it's so hard on my body and emotionally stressful dealing with that woman that I really don't want to go back. I'm praying I can get a new job. But the other thing is, while yes this will work out great for us, we'll have more money and Ryan will be happy again, I'm going to miss out now on all the things that I was looking forward to as a mom! I wasn't counting on going back to work until May, and even then we were counting on moving away somewhere where there are more opportunities for Ryan. Luckily it seems Ican pretty much go anywhere with my degree, and where we are thinking of going, my mom can get Ryan a job easily.

Ugh I'm so stressed I can't even stand it. I know everything will work out, it always does, but I really did not need this to deal with right now.