10-2-2009 - My Ode to Pregnancy

My mood while writing this blog: Silly & Bored

Just for laughs- started as a joke but being out of work it evolved :o) If you are easily offended- turn back now!

Mirror, mirror on the wall- who the fuck is that!?

My toes look like mini sausages so puffy & plump,

I can barely bend over to touch them due to the size of my bump.

My feet are swollen & squishy like I'm walking on water bags,

And someone stole my ankles so wearing cute boots & shoes- oh what a drag!

My legs are the start of the bright blue veins,

They cover my body like little highway lanes.

My thighs got a little thicker & are home for stretch marks,

My bootie has more jiggle "Nice Ba-donk" my husband remarks.

The Va-Jayjay- do we really have to go there?

Looking so different; swollen & covered in hair.

My belly is huge! I didn't think I could stretch that far,

What I wouldn't do to spend Friday night drunk at the bar.

On to the big ol' boobies- boy are they a site,

Used to be fun bags- grab them now & get ready to fight!

My nipples are huge, dark & oh so dry,

Squeeze them too hard & get squirted in the eye.

My armpits are always so sweaty like my deodorant decided to quit,

I even tried using my hubby's I have to admit.

I have little pieces of skin that came from nowhere,

And my belly must be cold because now it has hair.

My face looks so fat- I even have a double chin,

Never used to get pimples & now I have trouble skin.

My hair is dry & doesn't want to grow,

What!? isn't that a perk of being preggo?

Now I must bring my poem to an end,

My hands are too swollen & my fingers won't bend.

Even though I write of such pain & horror,

I know once I see Aubrey I will simply adore her.

All the pain & discomfort is worth it in the end,

I just created my baby; my daughter; my friend.