19-4-2009 - Motherhood

My mood while writing this blog: I\'m a changed woman

I haven't written in so long and I wonder how many times I'll be interrupted before I'm able to write all that I have going on in my head.

Where to begin...From the first moment I layed eyes on my beautiful baby girl I felt such a strong connection. I can not wait to watch her grow and learn and I also cannot wait to teach her all that I know. I am excited to teach her how to be a strong, independant female. I feel very lucky about a few things. I didn't have to go through the post pardum blues- now don't get me wrong I had some days where the tears wouldn't turn off but it only lasted about an hour or two and was more from overwhelming feelings of joy than depression. Aubrey has been such a good baby. She only cries when she wants/needs something. The biggest issue we've been working on is holding her too much. When I to back to work she will go to my sister's, who has 2 small children (2 & 4), so Aubrey won't be able to be held so often. I also recovered pretty fast. I am back to normal now and just working on getting as close to my pre-pregnancy body as I can. Breastfeeding has gone great! My milk came in with a vengeance. My 6 week old is 13 lbs! I've heard so many first time mom's have problems in that area and it can be very stressful so I have been blessed in that department.

That leads to my next subject; my body. I am happy to say that I am in my pre-pregnancy jeans but I still have so much work to do. I wish I could embrace my mommy body as well as some of you have. I have this muffin top now that was never there before. I am doing crunches & hitting the treadmill daily (this exercise routine just started) but I perceive it will take longer than I anticipated. I gained 48 lbs during pregnancy and have lost 40 of it so far. I also have stretch marks that seemed to appear out of thin air once my baby was born. My boobs got Gigantic! They are so heavy and none of my pre-pregnancy cute shirts fit them. None of my medium shirts allow them enough room either and since my chest is so much fuller it hikes my shirts up and I'm constantly pulling them down to make sure the new muffin top stays covered. I wonder what they will look like after I'm done breastfeeding. I know they are going to be so much lower than before :( I actually hold them when running up and down the stairs and also have to wear 2 sports bras when exercising. I hate to buy new clothes but get so frustrated when I try to get dressed to go somewhere. My maternity clothes are too big and my pre-pregnancy clothes are too small. It's very sad.

Breastfeeding has been such an amazing bonding experience for me. I love the fact that my child can survive by me alone. I solely can give her everything she needs to live. I just stare down into her little eyes and hold her hand or caress her feet while she eats. Recently I've realized how demanding it is as well. The newness has worn off for my husband so he is wanting to resume our pre-baby routine. We were very social and partied on the weekends. I cannot have a drink socially or just pick up and go when I want so this part has been tough for me. I know that I can give up these months of my life to better my child's life but it doesn't make it easier. Hubby doesn't quite understand- he's such a man sometimes.

Regaining my routine has been challenging. Just recently have I been able to shower, brush my teeth, and do my hair and make-up all in a row! My house is back in order and I am back to cleaning it :o) the way I like it. I feel so much better when I'm organized. It's fun trying to get places on time. On weekends it's so much easier because my husband is here to help me. I have such a respect for single mom's that do this on their own. I have learned to eat at super speed! I swear that child knows the second I am about to eat something. This has lead to indigestion but at least I'm eating. I was forgetting to eat at first and would end up shaking and realize it had been hours since I ate anything.

I recently was given a piece of advice; don't try to get back to who you were before you had a baby- it will never happen- you have to reinvent yourself. Before I had Aubrey I would've never understood this but now it's been my mission. I was very selfish with my time and now my time belongs to her. I am not only Megan but I am Aubrey's mom first and foremost. I am excited to see what tomorrow holds and learning how to become the best "Aubrey's Mom" that I can.

Take Care Mommies, talk to you soon!