luckywhite's I-am-pregnantblog

luckywhite
	Age: 26 Country: UK Province/region: - City: - Partner: the lovely scott Children: Yes, 1 Pregnant: Not anymore Occupation: Architectural office manager
	Online: More than 3 months ago Last updated: 926 days ago. Member since: 1844 days
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17-7-2009 - a little blue

My mood while writing this blog:
down

been a while since i really wrote a blog or checked in with anyone so here i am..

todays just not a good day at all. wee baby alfie just turned 6 months and is a really great baby. Hes so happy all the time and smiles every second of the day more or less.

i had his six week check up the other day and he is 69cm long which is really long and hes about 17lbs so doing great.

i failed my post natal score thingy which i knew i would cause ive just not really been feeling very good for a wee while now.. i asked for no help now but promised to get in touch with my doc if i feel i cant concentrate. i have what is called Atypical depression which is something that woman are more prone to and its a weird one cause you are fine when you are doing something you like to do - its when you are alone that the darkness creeps in .. symptoms include being so tired i cant think.. feeling like im under a blanket of bricks, hating myself and my appearance more than i ever have. ( im obsessed with it) and i eat all the time im so fat i will never be back in my gorgeous little clothes. and the worst one is that i cant deal with any little kind of rejection .. but ive always been like that im so sensitive to how others are with me..

so today isnt good. i dont feel i can get off the couch cause i am so exhausted .. ive done everything i need to do for the baby and hes having a wee nap now.. the house is a shite hole but i cant face tidying it at all. msister is having a bbq tomorrow so i will be ok tomorrow.. i hate days with no plans and nothing do do and nowhere to go there are dementing..

i cant even face going a walk or anything i know it would help but the thought of walkng by myself with the pram is freaking me out so so much.

i dont reallt know what to do .. i dont want medication i lost two years of my life due to antidepressants. so what makes it better without medication?

5 Comments on a little blue

*Lily-Hope-and-Teddys-Mummy* - Sunday, 2 Aug
Hi honey...sorry you're feeling so blue. Have you got a children's centre near u at all? When I first had Lily it helped me lots to go there and meet new people even if it was only going out for an hour in the afternoon I felt I could focus on that all day. I think the best tip is to keep busy- as you said days when you are doing something r ok- sending you lots of hugs and positive thoughts hun and I think u r incrediably brave to come on here and share how you're feeling with us. At lot of women really struggle to admit how down they feel after birth- whether your have one, 2 or a hundred children it is still the biggest life change you go through! good luck xxxx

polly76 - Monday, 27 Jul
Aw Heather! You poor chick! That must be soo hard to cope with! Hopefully it will pass soon. Just try and organise something for each day in advance. I'd been told by so many other mums before I gave birth that its vital to your sanity to get out and do something everyday. I even went to silverburn today, just for a wedding card for someone. Sat in Starbucks for a while with a coffee and fed Callum and window shopped. Why don't we arrange to take the wee ones swimming once a week or something? Hopefully if you try to keep yourself busy through this horrible time then it may be easier to cope with. Also why don't you and Alfie come to Buggyfit on a monday morning at kings park? Hang in there honey, you'll come through the other end of this xxx

minkymoo78 - Monday, 20 Jul
So sorry to hear you're suffering with this. I have days like that too and I haven't even given birth yet. I am signed off work and still have 8 weeks until my baby is due and some days I just feel horrible and wonder what I am going to do all day but I make myself take my dog for a walk and go and visit people and it really helps, even if I don't want to go out I force myself and it stops me from thinking negative thoughts and feeling down. I hope you start to feel better again soon hun xxx

ladylocks02 - Saturday, 18 Jul
oh my god u av jus described exactly how im feeling and i thought i was going mad, the docs av offered me anti-depressants but my mum has decided for me against them, its really starting to bring me down, i feel ok like u say wen im busy and people are around but otherwise im so down its untrue, everything is a effort, i feel as tho im on this mad roller coaster and its never going to stop!!! Hope you start feelin better soon xx

bezzi44 - Saturday, 18 Jul
Wow, you poor thing! When I've had depression in the past I turned to exercise. It really helped me feel so much better. Even those days when you feel like you don't have an ounce of energy, once you get started, it's so much better!

Do you have any work out DVD's? Dance ones are good b/c you don't really feel like you're exercising. And who doesn't feel good when they dance??? Zumba ones are good. A little Latin dance. =)

Hang in there. Maybe there's better or more mild medication???

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