27-8-2008 - Update on the "Daddy" situation

My mood while writing this blog: angry

I haven't heard a thing from John since the begining of June when he accused me of stealing 1,700 euro from him when in actuality the chap still owes my just over 2,000 euro... but i won't even go there because i can't prove he owes it to me so i'm just write it off as a learning experience and forget about it! not to mention the fact he fact he hasn't offered a penny towards preparing for the baby. It seems he figured that because my friend had a baby last year that i'd just get everything i needed off her for free!

now i should start be saying that he was told me three times he wants nothing to do with this baby or me 1st time to my face and a few days came groveling "oh i didn't mean it, i love you, blah blah blah", i didn't take him back after that but i was more than willing to keep him informed on the babyand stuff like that. The second time it was a text msg and again i got a big apology and i fell for it and moved back in to the apartment and on the second night he turned into an asshole again! the third time was an email and i decided after that, that was it and he'd made his decision and he was out! but again he started "you can't keep me out of the babies life and all of this!" i wasn't prepared to give in to him this time i told him if wanted to be part of his son's life he'd have to fight for it and that was that!

I recently got abusive emails from his sister where she told me that i was telling people that me and john broke up before i found out i was pregnant. She told me the baby wasn't john's and plenty of other assumtions that she made! She said that i was gonna be a bad mother and that john had taken care of her kids over night and did fine! i just told her raising and child is very different from changing a few nappies and making bottles!

since he won't speak to my directly i asked my mother to go and speak to him for me. Basically she told him that if he wants to be a part of his sons life then he'd want to get his finger out cos he only has 11 weeks left. And that if he didn't get sorted before the baby was born he'd have to take me to court for access. he said he does want to a part of the babies life but i still haven't heard from him and its been nearly a week now! he rang my mam and said that he contacted a mediation service, but i don't think he realises that i'm carrying the baby and he needs to get in touch with me not my mother! mam keeps telling me to ring him, but i refuse i tried for weeks to get in touch with him after he accused me of stealing from him and he wouldn't answer! Besides i'm not the one who said i don't want anything to do with the child and walk away in the first place so it isn't up to my to make contact anyway!

And to be honest, i'm sick of handing him everythign he wants on a plate. The last year and a half i've basically been his cash machine, i've bought him stuff gave him money to go out with his friends. i fed him, paid his bloody dentist bills, paid his rent, washed his clothes and got nothing in return! i think its time that he grew up and took responsiblity for himself! and the wors thing in all of this is i don't think he'll be a good father! but i can't justify just cutting him out of the picture without at least giving him a chance, and i know that it won't last and he'll disappear out of Conor's life before his one because it'll too much like work! So once again i'm sitting by the phone waiting for a little boy to find his manhood and admit he was in the wrong!!! Don't worry i won't hold my breath or anything!

One thing is certain tho he only has a until the 1st of November and then i forget he exsists! I'm just waiting for the harrasment and abuse to start again, because either way its coming! either when he finally decides to get in touch or when Conor is born and he starts the drama again