27-5-2009 - so much has gone on...

My mood while writing this blog: thoughtful

Wow! It's been awhile since I've blogged, but I'm gonna try to blog more often...you ladies have to encourage me with comments:) I'm gonna try to comment more too.

Jayde will be 3 months on the 1st (Monday). I feel like she's growing so much so quickly! She smiles on purpose, reaches for things and is finally on a good schedule: sleeps from 7:30pm-midnight and then from 12:20am-5am, then 5:30am-7:30am. She stays up most times during the day except for a mid-morning nap. I have her in daycare now while I work; I'm a teacher, so 7:30-4 i'm away from her :(

I feel good about how things are going, but I am a TRUE single mother. Jayde's father was really only seeing her for 2 or 3 hours per week and now it's been 2 weeks since he last saw her and over a week since he's even called to ask about her. Like i said in my last blog, he has a new gf and i found out he had had my baby around her (after telling me he would never do that). He also stated that he feels he should not have to help out financially b/c i make so much money (and he's not even working, not trying to). So, it's just me and i get a little stressed from time to time; my closest fam lives about 20mins. away and my immediate fam lives almost 2 hrs. away. I do have great friends from work that help out once or twice a month to give me a break, but for the last 2 weeks with JUST me it's been hard! I'm so tired...work all day, baby at night, in the middle of the night lol. I love it and I love Jayde, but i'm worn out. I feel like my body will never get used to this!

Tomorrow i'm taking the first steps to protect my daughter and i...i'm seeing a custody lawyer. Right now it's just to ask questions...i wanna know what my rights are and the odds of getting full custody if i need to go there, if i can get child support if he only has visitation and no custody, etc. I have so much goin thru my head but i've got to get things rollin...i don't want Jayde to be 5 or 10 yrs old and all of a sudden her dad wants to come back and confuse her or mess things up...like i see myself moving in a year or two and i dont wanna have to ship her across the state or country to stay with him 6 weeks every summer or on holidays or something. Don't get me wrong, i want them to have a relationship but i dont want her to feel like she comes 2nd or 3rd or 4th or 57th in his life if he's just coming and going. She needs stability and i give her that with or without him.

Well, i'm going to bed...gotta get up in about 3 hrs. to feed. I'll let you ladies know how things go with the lawyer tomorrow. Gnight!