mamacas26's I-am-pregnantblog

mamacas26
mamacas26 has 20 days to go and is now in week 37
	Age: 27 Country: USA Province/region: City: Partner: Husband Kevin Children: Yes, 2 Pregnant: Yes Due date: 13 Dec ,2009 Occupation: clerical
	Online: 5 hours ago. Last updated: 5 days ago. Member since: 640 days
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03-10-2009 - I hate cancer

My mood while writing this blog:
sad

My mom had a biopsy, and it came back positive again for cancer. The part that she didn't tell me, that my step dad just filled me in on is that her cancer is back all over. I've been telling myself that if it spread, to prepare myself for the worst. I've just been hoping that I wouldn't have to do that. It's in her neck, her back, her torso. It hasn't reached any organs yet.

I feel sad. Growing up my mom and I had a terrible time getting along. I had a pretty awful childhood actually. Recently, over the years, probably for the last 4 years, we've grown closer. But this damn cancer has prevented my mother and I from having a "normal" mother-daughter relationship. You know, like going out to eat, or going shopping together. We pretty much stick to phone calls. Cancer has also prevented my mom from being able to be the grandmother to my children. She just hasn't had the energy to spend time with the kids one on one....I hate cancer. I love my mom.

I don't really know what to say. I'm just so sad. I don't want to lose my mother, but mostly, I don't want my mom to lose everyone she loves...and I don't want to have to console my daughter, my siblings, my step-father...I have a supportive husband and a strong faith in God. I will survive. I just worry about everyone else...and the thought that one day I won't be able to pick up the phone and call my mom breaks my heart.

I hate cancer. I hate it. I hate the control it has and how powerless it makes you feel. I hate how it robs you of things you love and sneaks up on you time and time again. All my life I've just wanted a mom....I hate cancer.

10 Comments on I hate cancer

nicetryniko - Monday, 12 Oct
I just read your story and I wanted to let you know you have my condolenses. I hate cancer as well because it took my grandmother 20 years ago, and just not even an hour, my uncle just died from throat and lung cancer. It is a devistating disease and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. My heart goes out to you because this is your mother and I couldn't imagine if it were mine. I don't know what I would do. The only thing I can pray for is to please not let that person suffer. But to also not having any regrets too. I hope and pray everything works out for your mom and you. Stay strong!

LiseyB - Monday, 5 Oct
Oh Cas, my dad was diagnosed the day I found out I was pregnant in 2007. He died 10 months later when my boy was 11 weeks old in June 2008. It is insidious. There is no rhyme nor reason for those it takes and those it allows to live. Time to put any thoughts about your relationship with your mum or the impact of her cancer aside and just cherish any contact you and your kids have with her. Tell her all of the things you love her for and all of the things you are sorry for. It is a lesson we should live by each day with all of the people we love, though sadly we only tend to do it when we learn we might be losing someone. I really feel for you. The journey is a difficult one. I wish your mum peace. x

premiere madame - Sunday, 4 Oct
I am so sorry. You andyour family, espically your mother will be in my prayers.

ready4mygirl - Sunday, 4 Oct
I am sorry to hear this. I know how you feel... my grandmother has stage 5 lung cancer. It is in her lung, liver, ribs, hip, pelvis, vertebres, and now her brain. I freaking hate cancer too. I will be praying for your mom.

cpalmer - Saturday, 3 Oct
aw im so sorry u are goin thru this hun, hubbys nan has advanced breast cancer which has spread to her liver and the lining of her stomache, we just found out today she is back in the hospital and doesnt have long to live....i will be praying for ur mom as well hun, hang in there xxxx

KatyElizabeth - Saturday, 3 Oct
Aww, I am sorry. I cant imagine having to go through that =(

mommytoalittleprince - Saturday, 3 Oct
So sorry to hear about your Mom.. Although I know exactly what youre going through. My Mom was diagnosed with lung cancer in 2002 and passed away 10 months later in 2003. I was only 14 years old at the time so it was very hard for me to deal with. I have a son now, who I wish SO BADLY she could meet but she cant because shes gone. I hate cancer too.. Take the precious time you have with her now and spend as much of it as you can with her. At least she got to meet your children and most likely will get to meet the one on the way. So be thankful for that at least. I know its hard to think about what you are grateful for, at a time like this, but try. If you ever need to talk.. Although we dont know each other, Im here! xoxo

bibblebop - Saturday, 3 Oct
so sorry - it must be awful. I hope you can continue to be strong and enjoy every moment with your mum. xxx

diane-taketwo - Saturday, 3 Oct
Cas, I am sorry that your mended relationship with your mom is being corrupted by cancer. It has been 11 years since my mother lost her battle, and I think it every day: 'I hate cancer' ... Her battle did teach me what real courage and strength is about, and how we can't take one minute for granted. I am thinking of you and your family in this difficult time.

anxiousannie - Saturday, 3 Oct
Oh Cas, I'm so sorry. My mom passed of cancer when I was 16. I often look at my son and feel like he has been so robbed. I HATE it too, but sadly all we can do to fight back is take excellent care of ourselves so hopefully our lil ones don't have to see what we see. You're in my prayers

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