02-5-2009 - 1 Year Ago....

My mood while writing this blog: Alright

Well ladies...It was 1 year ago today that DH and I lost our first baby. I was worried for this day as I knew that when AF showed up last month that I would not be PG by this date...I could be bakin one right now but I won't know until around the 11th when AF is due. I finally threw out the test that confirmed the pregnancy last year. I figured there was no sense in holding on to a tragic reminder of what "could" have been. I am ok I guess. So far I spent the day at an awesome meeting for our company and was surrounded by such happy people that I didn't have time to really think about it (ok I thought about it a little) One girl turned to me during the meeting and said that DH and I were so lucky to not have any children while we were working on building our future with the company because we have no distractions-she of course had no idea what today was and how much that statement hurts. So, I just responded with a smile because if I said anything I would have burst into tears...took a few breaths and held myself together. I was proud of myself for being able to respond that way and keep in the tears it has definitely taken a while to get to this point and yet as I write this my eyes fill with tears-better in the privacy of my home than in public. It is hard to get over what happened but time definitely helps.

This is our 8th month of ttc since the surgery. I still can't believe how fast time has flown. So many of you ladies have gone through so much over this time. I know I keep my comments on the DL but I am so grateful to have a place to go to to talk about this stuff when I need to and I love reading about each of your journeys. I can't wait until DH and I get our turn and we have a healthy pregnancy so we too can hold our bundle of joy.

Just want to say thank you to all of you wonderful ladies that take the time to read our stories and make little comments that help us on this difficult journey that we have chosen to take. I hope I too can tell of wonderful news in the near future but until then I will patiently wait my turn and live vicariously through each of you. Sticky baby dust to each of you TTCers and I don't know what to call it so sticky pregnancy dust to you that have a miracle growing in you-treasure every little thing that is going on right now-you are truely blessed!

Thanks again ladies!

tiff