02-5-2010 - 2 years ago...

My mood while writing this blog: not sure how to feel

Hello everyone...Here I sit and ponder what has happened and where have I gone wrong. Today marks the two year anniversary-not sure if that is the appropriate word-since we lost our first baby. I did name him/her so I just want to give a shout out to little 'Prym Pawl Guiden' (It means 'small life gift from God) I dont know what to expect as the day goes on, or for this next year for that matter. I feel ok but kind of sad today-mostly just pondering what it is that the big man upstairs is preparing us for. That is the only reason I can come up with as to why we haven't gotten PG yet. DH and I were out last night with some friends-we don't hang out with them a lot anymore because they have had children and it is funny how all of our old friends hang out together since they have all had children and we are just kind of not included anymore...anyway, they always ask us when we are gonna have kids and although a couple of them know about a situation not everyone does, the response came quickly from DH-thank goodness because I would not have been able to answer without crying-he just says 'we are trying' and then he says 'hopefully we don't have to wait much longer'...STABBING pain went through my heart at that moment but I was able to keep it together-thankfully. Anyway, we are still trying and DH is now taking FertilAid for men-he started two days ago. IDK if it will help but it can't hurt. This has been a very long and bumpy road and I don't know what we will do next to achieve this desire of parenthood but I just have to hold onto some hope that we will get our turn, someday.

Enough of that sob story I just want to say to everyone-THANKYOU...I really love being able to share my feelings with you all and appreciate the support that this site has given me. Besides I think I have probably broken some kind of TTC forum record or something...Anyone else been on here longer than me? LOL!

Tiff