21-7-2008 - I knew it!

My mood while writing this blog: Disappointed yet again

Ladies, I just don't know how we do it! Are we gluttons for punishment? I am so sick of the let down every month. Just when you are starting to think this is it. Your period is late and you know you covered your bases and your even feeling symptoms. This is ridiculous. I can't take it anymore. I seriously just want to scream. But i am pushing on. I guess right now i am going to try and concentrate more on getting myself ready for baby instead of concentrating so much on baby. Its hard not to though. i know you all can agree. But i know i could use to loose at the leats 10 pound before i get pregnant any way. I've already lost 5 so i am halfway there but it would be nice to feel somewhat better about myself before i end up getting even bigger. its just so frustrating when you see someone else be blessed and not you. i have a friend who has to go through fertility in order to get pregnant and she tried once and it didn't work. then her hubby and her couldn't get along and she kicked him out and quite frankly i don't even think she likes him very much. well she just told me that they tried the treatment again with out telling anyone and she got her first levels back and they are like 179. Which is a good sign and i am very very happy for her becasue i know more than anything she wants a baby. But i don't get it. How is it that God will bless them (Who have the most fucked up relationship i know) and not us. I know i have something to learn in this lesson. i am not sure what it is. But i want to be happy for her becasue i know she wants this but its hard when i don't even think they should be together let a lone bring a baby into the mess. I dunno. But its not on me to judge. She is my best friend and i love her so i will stick by her and give her support. and I will just be happy for her becasue i would want her to do the same for me. It just hard to see people close to you get the one thing you want the most.