| masoto | |
 | Age: 24 Country: USA Province/region: City: Partner: My Husband, Steve Children: Yes, 2 Pregnant: Not anymore Occupation: Preschool Teacher |
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| 17-12-2009 - Unfair... |  My mood while writing this blog:upset |
Ok guys so here goes my rant...
Well, you guys know from my profile that I have lost two pregnancies already and this one has been our second miracle baby. My sister has had problems in the past and has lost 3 herself. Those of you who have been in this situation or close to another who has, you probably know that it is EXTREMELY difficult not to worry about loss every min of every day. We're coping pretty well, I think and the further the preg goes on we seem to do much better.
The problem is, my family. They have not talked about my preg almost at all. I have to be the one to bring it up and when I do, they change the subject asap. This really hurts. I know that some of them are just worried that I'm going to loose it and they would have gotten their hope up for nothing. I dont want to sound like a child BUT THIS JUST IS NOT FAIR!! You cant do that to someone! Prenancy is a beautiful thing b/c it involves someone's child, no matter how it may turn out in the end, it's still their child. And that child deserves to be....anticipated....imagined....looked foreward to....something that brings happiness. Not this. And this isn't the biggest problem. My one and only sister dispises my pregnancy! She hasn't said this out loud but I'll tell you what she has said.
I went to her to talk to her about it b/c anytime I find out something new about the preg or a really strong movement, I'll text her to tell her. Not to rub it in but since she's been through the same nightmare and would be one of the only people that I could let know stuff and not seem like a wierdo, you know? Not to mention, I want to tell her b/c she's MY SISTER. Well, whenever I text her, whenever she does text back, it'll be something like "that's nice" I have one child, as does my sister. Her daughter is going to be 8 on Christmas Eve and I love her like my own. She's over here all the time and she calls my son her brother b/c we were under the impression that these were the only children that we'd have and she really wanted a brother. They both realize that they are cousins but still intend on calling each other "sissy" and "bubby" (that's their nicknames they have given each other) Okay, way back when...I couldn't (and was told I wouldn't) get preg. She had a child, and expirienced her losses. Her boyfriend wasn't...mr. perfect so I was by her side every second of the preg. and losses. Most of the time, the ONLY person by her side. Naturally, the whole time, wishing that I could also expirience motherhood but NEVER ONCE being mad that she was blessed with any of these pregnancies. I was always excited for her. well, I was blessed myself with a pregnancy and she seemed to be happy with it and I asked her to be in the room for the birth. I was glad that she was there and she was overjoyed to be there.
I had the other losses earlier this year and it was difficult but I saw her starting to pull away from the preg conversations and stuff like that. And now all of this is happening. I went to her to talk to her about how I was feeling, hoping that maybe it was just me being emotional or whatever. Well, this is what she says to me, "I am excited about your preg, it's just that I never can get too excited over anyones preg b/c it's hard for me. I've lost 3, you have lost 1 and you don't understand."
......first off, let me thank her for downplaying my nightmare that I have had to expirience not only 1ce, but twice. Why does it matter how many I have lost? Shouldn't the only thing that matters be that I have been through it so I DO UNDERSTAND and that since she knows what I have been through as well, that this little movement or the fact that I'm out of my first trimester is more than just "nice" that it's MONUMENTAL?
This is where I am....my husband, son, and a few friends are the only ones who are even acting like I have a child in there- not a future disappointment. Do you know that my mother or my sister has never even touched my belly? Not that it's a big deal in itself but....it just hurts is all. My baby is in there and it is alive. I feel it move and grow and am already SO SORRY that they aren't excited about him/her.....it's just.....unfair.
1 Comments on Unfair...
christimarie25 - Thursday, 17 Dec
Just keep your head up. Your sister will come around eventually. We all deal with things differently. And sometimes it is hard to understand why people can't get close. My inlaws are very much the same and are just now starting to converse with me about the baby. I lost one myself and it was the hardest thing I had ever went through. It was tramatic for my whole family. So I knew it would be a little quiet in the beginning but I bring it up as much as I can and I talk about it even when people are not listening. They will come around. Just remember your family members have had to see not only you but your sister go through the losses and that is not easy on them. Give them a little time and I bet they will come around.
