15-6-2011 - um...excuse me?!

My mood while writing this blog: contemplative

My husband and I celebrated our 1 year anniversary this past weekend. Although it wasn't our best year, we made it..and we're still together...and we're both in agreement that this coming year can only be better than the last :) We are hitting the reset button and beginning this year on a new, more positive note...together **insert heart-warming smile here*

Our weekend was complete with two consecutive date nights!! <3

Friday night we dropped the girls at my dad's house and headed to a restaurant for some juicy, delicious steak. So there we were....enjoying good food, good drinks and good laughs when the bomb dropped. "I think I'd like to have more kids." What?!? Literally left me speechless ...

After V was born (Dec 2010) there was discussion of perminent birth control being put into place. Geesh, that was just 6 months ago -- I guess it's a good thing we didn't go through with it! Ha! But still, I was under the impression we were in agreement that we were happy with two healthy, beautiful girls, so you can imagine how stunned I was at this comment.

Would I love to have more children? You betcha! There is no more fulfilling joy than being a mother. My girls make me smile more than I have in the 27 years before they came into my life. The emotion they make me feel is sometimes so overwhelming all I can do is cry. They, along with my husband, complete me.

BUT....I do have a few concerns that certainly are holding me back from jumping whole heartedly on the more-kids wagon. My first concern is delivery. My first was born as an emergency c-section (scary and relieving all at the same time). My second was born as a scheduled c-section (just flat out scary). What would #3 bring?? I don't think I realized what a major surgery c-sections were until my second and I don't know if I would want to do that again.

My second concern is pregnancy. I know a lot of women who LOVE being preg...I don't. For no reason either...with both pregnancies I was healthy, not a day of sickness, no weird cravings, not too much swelling...so I'm not sure why I don't like being preg..I just don't. Silly reason not to bring another beautiful life into this world - but certainly one that needs to be addressed.

The third concern is a balanced work/home life. I like my job a lot. I like that my kids go to daycare at my Aunt's house and play with other children. Would I be able to afford to work AND pay for three children's daycare? The past 2.5 years has brought about routine, and boy do we have a routine. Mostly during the week, but there are certain 'things' on the weekends that stay the same. I guess it's not so much the weekends that worry me as much as weekdays. We are go go go from 6am to 9pm and then....once the kids are in bed, I still need to get stuff ready for the next day, ie: wash bottles/breast pump parts, pack a lunch, pack the diaper bag AND dishes, make sure the cats are fed, scoop the litter...when sometimes all I want to do is sit down for some 'me' time or even some 'me and hubby' time. Hubby does help with housework ... sometimes. Also, as much as I love nursing, I'm looking forward to the day I do not need to nurse or pump anymore. I've been nursing for 2.5 years now and I'm ready for a break.

I know, I know these are all pretty selfish reasons, but they have been floating around in my brain ever since Friday. So....phew....a third Gless? Maybe. But not just yet......