17-7-2008 - putting friendships to the test

My mood while writing this blog: bitter

Since finding out about the little sprout in my belly, this is the loneliest I've ever felt. It makes me cry...because I thought that I had been building these strong, lasting friendships with people. Now, when I see them - it's awkward. We are living totally different lives. Our common denominator was alcohol...sad but true...they stopped calling when I wasn't able to go out to the bar anymore. Don't get me wrong, when I do see them we hug and (out of kindness)ask how each other is doing - our conversations are very "small talk" about surface topics. And it all happened so fast, I mean, I'm only 13 weeks. The few wonderful friendships I do have are with girls who now live out of state, so spur of the moment lunch or shopping dates are out of the question - bummer.

I've even thought to myself, how can I be lonely? I hang out with Jake almost every night since we've moved in together. As wonderful and caring as he is, there are somethings in my life he can't fulfill - for instance, he's not the best listener...I love him for who he is. He has this thing about interupting or trying to "guess" the ending of your story and sometimes I just need someone to listen to me. Also, he doesn't understand my insecurities...he's a fixer, he doesn't relate to me in this area - which is completely understandable. And this is why I LOVE THIS WEBSITE! I feel like I could look at all of your profiles and relate to what you are going through or ask advice or questions about what is happening with my body. Since I signed up, life has been a little easier and not quite so lonely - thank you.

I know, I've read the email...there are friends for a season, friends for a reason and friends for a lifetime. I suppose it's time for me to let go of my seasonal friends and open my heart to new relationships. Pretty soon it will be off to the playgrounds and preschools to mingle with other moms :)