23-4-2009 - it definitely made me leak something

My mood while writing this blog: glad it\'s over

So....I read somewhere that a good way to more efficiently pump up my pumping is to look at a favorite pic or have handy something that smells like Jaina.

**side note**I've been back to work for four weeks now and although it's hard to say goodbye to her in the morning, I make it merrily through my day.

I pump twice at work and once at home to insure she has enough grub for the next day. But I thought it would be nice if I could retrieve all the milk while at work, so I try this new technique. Ladies! Be forewarned! This is how my pumping went:

I casually wander into a confrence room, shut the blinds, lock the door and slide a chair out from the table. I proceed to hook up my machine and pull out the sweetest picture of my little Jaina. 'Let the milk flow!' I think to myself. About two minutes in, I'm talking (quietly, so not to seem too nutty to my co-workers) to Jaina like I would if I were nursing her. Then my eyes fill with tears as I begin to say, "I should be feeding you right now...I should be at home...I should be taking care of you, not the babysitter.....I want to be at home...I want to be holding you and feeding you and watching every new thing you do" By this point there is no stopping the stream of salty water running down my cheeks. I try to think of things like: we have to have the insurance, we have rent & gas & student loan & grocery bills to cover, you need clothes & wipes...

I learned today that nothing can stop the 'missing you' tears.

Hope you are all doing well....Keep fighting the good fight!