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29-9-2008 - i need some advice...

My mood while writing this blog: sad

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Let me start off by saying that the sperm donnor for my daughter is not in our lives any more and haven't been since the day i found out i was pregnant. I tried letting him see her when she was first born but i just couldn't do it anymore because i didnt trust him what so ever, he has an addiction problem, he says he is clean but won't give me proof. Well since Grace has medicaid he has to pay child support to pay back her medical bills and the state is making me collect some money because i am a full time student, but he hasn't paid any of it and everything in the state is taking forever to do things and court dates to happen so that I can make sure he will never see her again because since he is suposed to be paying child support he has "reasonable parenting time"! he has not called or anything to see her since she was 3 months old but i wouldn't let him anyways. Thats not the issue but its needed to determine what i should do about his mother, who understandably wants to see Grace but she hasn't even called in about 6 weeks. Well i got a call today, i didn't answer but she left a message while subbing saying she wants Grace to know her and everything. Today of all days was suposed to be a court date to determine child support and visitation but was cancelled because my lawyer couldn't be there so its moved to the end of Oct. But i feel she called today because of that, because she probably thought that if he got to see her she would be able to see her but i dont know. Its hard because me and her were never close and there was always something about her that i just didnt like, she is a gossiper and would always talk about people behind there backs and pushing her opinions on others. I feel that the only way i can truly get him out of our lives for ever is to not have her around because i hope to one day get married and have him adopt Grace as his own and even possible have her not known about her biological sperm donnor (i do not call him her father because a father is something specail to me and thats not what he is) other than that he was not around. But i do understand where she is coming from because my mother is a grandmother and obsolutly loves it and theres a special bond there and i know how she would feel if there was a grand daughter out there that she couldn't see. What also bothers me is that where is the rest of his family, do they even care about her, i havent heard from any of them, not even his dad who i actaully got kind of close to when we dated. Its just why would she wait 6 weeks to call and before that she would a couple weeks without calling and cancel plans that we have made a couple times. I dont know what to do or if i should even call her back or what to say to her. Its the extremely nice person inside of me having sympthy towards her but my tough skin telling myself that is not a good thing. And i know that it shouldn't really matter but she has never done or bought anything for Grace other then a shower gift, she knows that i work for a living and pay for school myself and could use some help sometimes, i dont know that is probably the selfish part of me coming out. Well i am asking is for any advice for this stituation, good or bad. I just need some help because i am torn.

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1 Comments on i need some advice...


captshelley - Tuesday, 30 Sep
I can completely understand your side. I have a very similar story. What I have done is to try and stay as guilt free as possible. When my little girl is old enough to know that her daddy isn't around, I want to be able to honestly tell her that I tried. I understand not trusting the "sperm donor". I do not trust my daughters "sperm donor" alone with her purely for safety reseasons, he just doesn't have ANY common sense. I'm going to wait until my daughter is old enough to talk to me before she can go somewhere with her dad (that is, if he is around when she is older). As far as his mother is concerned, I would feel it out and go with gut instinct. She didn't do anything wrong in this situation from what I read. She can't control her son, no more than you can. I believe she has a right to see her and your daughter has the right to have a relationship with her BUT I have decided to do what is best for my daughter and for me ONLY, after we are taken care of then maybe I'll try and make someone else happy. I refuse to cater to someone else's personality at this time in my life. My sanity can become pretty shakey as a single mom. I make it a point to get rid of all drama and all drama causing people. By the way, I understand the court date crap too. I'm on my 4th court date as well and it's so frustrating. I just want it over with! Anyways, I think my advice is alittle scatter brained but I do want you to know that I understand every concern you mentioned, I have them too.