26-8-2008 - trading bad for good!

My mood while writing this blog: a little depressed

after my last episode of cramping and bleeding a few weeks ago, i have been enjoying a normal pregnancy, up until last week. monday i had my 12 week appointment, which did not begin well. the doctor whisked her way into the room without my chart, told me to take off my pants, and pulled out a hand held doppler. she tried to find the heartbeat, but couldn't. then she does a quick vaginal exam and tells me my uterus is pointed backwards, towards my rectum, rather than upwards, towards my belly button. she said this is common and as i progress my uterus will unfold up into it's correct position, and after the pregnancy it will shrink back down towards my rectum. so strange, but apparently my mom had the same thing! anyways, she said this makes hearing the heartbeat with a doppler impossible at this stage. i requested an ultrasound to confirm the heartbeat. she is getting ready to move me into another room with an ultrasound machine and mentions that i need to decide if i want to do a down's syndrome test. she said people typically only do it if they would terminate the pregnancy as a result. i of course wouldn't terminate my baby if he or she had down syndrome! however, my friend had the down syndrome ultrasound (covered by her insurance) at 13 weeks and was able to find out the sex of the baby! i asked about the possibility of having this done, and she said, sure, but if you want to do that, then we won't do another ultrasound here today. i agreed, pulled my pants up, and went to the front desk to make my appointment for the big ultrasound. the receptionist informed me i would have to wait for her to call the my general practitioner's office, have them approve it, then i could go to the appointment (which is about an hour and a half from my house). i hung around for 2 hours in town, and finally got a call from the receptionist saying my doctor's office was going to take a few days to complete the referral, and at that point i could call and make an appointment for the ultrasound! i was so frustrated, because i'd driven all over town all day long, missed a whole day of work, all for nothing! i started to get emotional (am i the only one who is a little less in control these days???) i felt like i'd wasted time, gas, a co-pay, and a day of work all for nothing! and, as a result of the vaginal exam, and stress of the morning, i was now spotting & cramping. my pregnant friends got me fired up and told me to call back and ask my OB to see me again to do an ultrasound so i could hear the heartbeat! i finally built up the courage to, and couldn't get through for 2 hours! finally i got a call back. they agreed to see me. i waited from 2:30 until 4:30 in an empty waiting room, and finally was brought back to a room with NO ULTRASOUND MACHINE!!! i flipped out and asked the nurse to please move me. she reluctantly agreed.

about 30 minutes later the nurse practitioner came in and started the ultrasound. she glared at the screen for a full minute before i asked her if everything was okay. she didn't answer me. i asked her if she saw a heartbeat. she didn't answer me. i asked her if everything was okay, and she pushed the screen around so i could see it, pointed to the heartbeat and smugly said, "it's fine." my blood began to boil at this point. why was this woman torturing me??! she then pulls the screen back so i can't see it, prints out 2 pictures, pulls them out of the printer and says, "i'll be right back". she leaves me there for 15 minutes with the goop on my belly wondering what the heck is going on, and if something is terribly wrong with my baby. she finally comes back and i ask her, "is everything okay?" she gives me an annoyed look and says, "it's fine." fine?!! FINE?!?! what the @*&%!! does FINE mean?!?!? where did you go!?!? why are you freaking me out?!?! she prints me a terrible picture, completely undiscernable, and gets ready to leave the room. i had a big list of questions i had written down in the waiting room, and was dying to ask her- even though she was being so nasty to me i still had questions i needed answered. so with her back to me, i asked her if she wouldn't mind if i asked her a few things that have been on my mind. here is what i asked and what she said:

1. am i off pelvic rest (no sex, no activity, no NOTHING! kind of important to discuss at my check up when last time i was here it was an emergency. thanks for asking about it though, doc) Answer: Nope.

2. can i do prenatal yoga? Answer: Nope.

3. are there any restrictions for my hair appt next week? Answer: No hair dye while you're pregnant. NONE.

i had a big list of questions and she just glared at me and answered them all in this manner. A simple, NOPE. when i finished my list, she turned on her heel and exited the room without another word. i was left apalled. i dressed, exited without a single person acknowledging me, and burst into tears of frustration as soon as i got to my car. i vowed i would never step foot in that door again. never. nobody should have to be treated the way i just was!

so i called my general practitioner's referral lady and asked where else i could go. since i'm only 12 weeks, it's not the end of the world if i switch doctors now. she said there are 2 options; one in folsom (1 hour away) and one in sacramento (1 hour in the opposite direction). i felt crushed. i live in a small town and my provider network only doesn't contract with any OB's in our area, except for ONE, and she hasn't been accepting new patients for over 2 years. looks like there is no clear way out. i went home and went to bed.

the next day i got a call from the referral office with a tip, she heard a rumor that morning that the local OB was accepting new preggers delivering after january 1st. i couldn't believe the news! i said a quick prayer and dialed the number, the receptionist confirmed the rumor was true and booked me an appointment!! as soon as she said yes, i lost it! she must have thought i was crazy, who cries because someone gives them an appointment?! i composed myself a little and asked the receptionist if there was anyone there i could speak to, as i'd been bleeding for 2 days, with light cramping. a minute later the doctor gets on the phone and kindly, patiently, and with great attention to detail talks me through all my symptoms and fears. 10 minutes later i got off the phone feeling reassured, calmed, and overjoyed! i can't wait to meet my new doctor in person next week! and the best part is, her office is about 300 yards from my office, and about 10 feet from the hospital i will get to deliver in! i get to be local!!! i truly couldn't be happier!

i have to give God all the credit for orchestrating the events of the past couple days. once i gave up (monday night) everything just fell perfectly into place! i think i had to have that terrible event at that terrible doctor's office in order to get motivated to look harder in my hometown. i feel so blessed, like this was an unexpected, undeserved gift that was just dropped into my lap!