31-5-2009 - Update and Doula : )

My mood while writing this blog: Friggin\' Ecstatic

Ok so i was gonna, like i said, whine and bitch about my problems on this blog. But now, i dont want to anymore. Why? Because im ecstatic. Today, i hired a doula. I know i sound like a dork, but im soo excited. She was absolutely awesome. And i instantly felt comfortable with her. She explained everything and how it works and what she does. I really knows shes going to be an invaluble part of my birthing experience. If i had any doubts about my abilities before, they are definately gone now. I CAN do this, and i believe in myself and my capability of having a natural birth. Im actually looking forward to giving birth. How many people can say that? I cant freakin wait. And im so happy i have someone to be there to help Omar and make him feel more comfortable. I have so many things to be grateful for and soo many things coming up im excited about. I cant wait to have omar meet Lisa(our doula) and have our prenatal visit with her. Our 3D/4D sonogram is on the 14th(YAY!). Me and Omar are going to be having maternity pictures taken together(hoorah for belly pics!). We will be taking a hypnobirthing course together and im sooo interested and excited for that. I dont even care about all my bills, and omar not having a job, my mom being crazy, my sisters effed up wedding to a douchebag. I mean, im not in denial about these things, but all those good things just TOTAAALLLY outweigh the bad things. I know that:

1) Omar will have a job soon, whether it be at the place he interviewed at or not. (He's still waiting for the guy to call, sometime by wednesday he said he should know.) It sucks he got screwed over for no reason. Hes an amazing person and its just another chance for him to move up in the world and on to better places and things.

2) We're in a rough financial time, and once the money-sucking things pass(the big spending, ie the sonogram, my bridesmaid dress, and the phone bill-- all due in the same two weeks mind you, bleh!) we will get over the hump and be ok again. Its just a stressful time and this too shall pass.

3) Once the stressful time passes and we're over this hump, my bills will start going down again. They'll be paid eventually, no big deal.

4) My sisters wedding is only one day, and i can duck out early from the reception(haha im pregnant im tired my feet hurt, sorry i gotta go early LOL) and i can just enjoy the nice dress and chance to doll myself up and have a nice meal(PHOTO OPS!!! LOL!).

5) My mom being crazy and her and my dad's issues, well... we wont live with them forever and when we really get on our feet we can move far away and only visit, then it wont be horrible. Plus, i dont care how much my mom and sister dont care about my pregnancy, i dont need to let them stress me out. My dads still awesome, and omars family is amazing, all that i need- i already have.

---ok on a side note, i know that sounds horrible, please realize i love my family dearly, but my moms a little off her rocker and has stopped caring about everything but my dad, when all they do is fight, plus she now takes WAY too many xanax. And my sister has developed a HUGE grudge on me for being pregnant and happy and everyone loving omar...plus the fact that no one likes her ass of a husband-to-be. It sucks, but if thats the way you wanna be, fine. I dont need it. Im extremely embarrassed my family is the way they are, but hey, i have other people that care for me.

So like i said, i do have a lot of shitty stuff going on. But if pregnancy has taught me one thing so far, its dont sweat the small stuff, and to appreciate ALL of the good, even the teency tiny things to be happy about. When Mikayla gives me a little kick, or when i see omar smile when he rubs my tummy. When omars family touches my belly and asks, genuinly caring, how im feeling, and when i get to shop for my little girl and look at baby stuff. Dreaming about what she'll look like and how she'll be. Knowing the fact that i have an awesome doula and an awesome support network behind me to help me get the birth i thought i could only dream of. Waiting to see my daughter in a 3d sono and take pictures with omar of my baby bump... All of these things make my life worth while. And they just make me forget all the bad stuff. I love my life, and honestly... Fuck the bad stuff. Its all teency tiny on the grand scale of things in comparison to the immensely amazing things that flood my life everyday that i wait for our Mikayla to come. I have a total new outlook on life, and i love it.