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20-10-2011 - Corrected Vision

My mood while writing this blog: joyful

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"A Parable of Immortality" by Henry van Dyke (suspected to be the author).

I am standing by the seashore.
A ship at my side spreads her white sails to the morning breeze
and starts for the blue ocean.
She is an object of beauty and strength,
and I stand and watch
until at last she hangs like a speck of white cloud
just where the sun and sky come down to mingle with each other.

Then someone at my side says, 'There she goes!
Gone where? Gone from my sight - that is all.

She is just as large in mast and hull and spar
as she was when she left my side
and just as able to bear her load of living freight
to the places of destination.
Her diminished size is in me, not in her.

And just at the moment when someone at my side says,
'There she goes! ' ,
there are other eyes watching her coming,
and other voices ready to take up the glad shout :
'Here she comes!'

And that is—dying.—

The poem above is where my joy comes from....not the poem itself of course but the knowing. KNOWING in my whole being, knowing with a PASSION that death is not the end. It is the beginning of life in the presence of God himself for those who who accept that gift. My scrumptious, sweet, sweet baby Psalm Selah is so so happy right now in paradise, in the presence of God himself and I will be there with him soon. This is no longer just words to me. My love for my baby, I feel God has used to "correct" my perspective. I am now eternally minded (more so at least). I have such amazing joy this morning as I write these words. Thank You God! Does this mean that I am done mourning. No. Does this mean that I am "over it"? No. Does this mean that I do not long for my baby to kiss and hold and squeeze? No. I still have "baby Psalm withdrawals". I still ache for my baby and probably will until we are together again. This does mean however that the longing and sorrow are not ALL that I feel. This will be hard to convey without being able to use my tone of voice but I'll try.

2 Peter 3:8 But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day.

I have much to learn and have not researched "Heaven" but I wonder if our loved ones who are waiting for us in heaven are really only waiting for us for like a minute? If a thousand years is like a day then maybe time is only drawn out here earth and my baby boy will only be separated from me for like a minute his time? Like I said, I have not studied this subject and even if I had I don't know that I would understand anyway. It is just a thought.
The main thing is Heaven and our eternal home in the presence of the Lord no longer seems so out of reach for me. I do not feel like my baby "died" in the sense that I think a lot of people do. I think we like to say of the dead "they are in a better place" with our heads but I suspect many are like I was and don't feel it "for real" in their hearts. Psalm is not dead. His flesh died so that he could begin the best chapter of all. His life has just begun. I feel this so strongly I cannot express it. I miss him but he is alive. More alive than me. Alive without sin. Wow! These are not just words. I am truly celebrating his life as his life has just begun and it is "A wonderful life" indeed. Mourning without being able to rejoice as well must be a very very dark place for many who go through it.

Phil 4:8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things.

For me I believe this includes Thanking God for the time I had with Psalm instead of focusing on the time that I didn't get to spend with him. I am grateful for our time together...it was precious and I will hold on to that until we are reunited and get to experience life perfected with him in God's presence...oh what a day that will be!

22 He answered, “While the child was still alive, I fasted and wept. I thought, ‘Who knows? The LORD may be gracious to me and let the child live.’ 23 But now that he is dead, why should I go on fasting? Can I bring him back again? I will go to him, but he will not return to me.”

2 Sam 12:22

If I were to be upset about anything it shouldn't be that Psalm went on ahead, it should rather be that we didn't get to go too. Instead of saying "Why God? Why did you take him? I should rather say "Why God? Why couldn't we go too?" But that isn't right either. God knows why we are still here. He has his reasons and like a toddler, I do not understand why my heavenly Father does what he does, I can only trust him and cling onto him for dear life. He knows the way, I do not. Life is a mystery to me. It is not to him. I must trust the one who knows the way, for my reasoning is useless. He does not have to explain everything to me any more than I have to explain everything to my child. I could try but she wouldn't understand. She is not mature enough yet. Until she is she just has to trust that I have her best interest at heart when I do things that she does not understand. I must trust my heavenly Father the same way.

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2 Comments on Corrected Vision


crcbluv4 - Sunday, 23 Oct
AMEN Michelle:-) ..xoxxoxxoxo

okynot - Thursday, 20 Oct
Soo beautiful. Amen.