31-1-2009 - Anyone else had this happen?

My mood while writing this blog: Worried

So I went to the bathroom about 9:45 this morning and when I wiped, there was a dishcharge with a pinkish stripe and a speck of red the size of a pin point in it. I'm really worried and it's Saturday morning. I was wondering if anyone else had this happened to anyone else?

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Ok, the bleeding increased to the size of a quarter so I called the after hours line at my doctor's office and the doctor called me back within a few minutes. She said she doesn't think it's a big deal. She said it's probably just the placenta taking over everything. She said there isn't really anything to worry about unless I start cramping and bleeding a lot with clots. I do have O negative blood and she said I am going to need to get Rhogam probably Monday or Tuesday. She said to call her tomorrow and let her know how I am doing. You know with me being a nurse, you would think that I could think logically about this and know what to do but as soon as a saw that blood, everything I learned went right out the window. I couldn't remember anything.

It's really scary you know? I mean, you never really understand how important something is to you or how much it means to you until the possiblity of it being gone is there. I mean, don't get me wrong. I've been very excited from the beginning and love this baby with everything in me. It just never really felt real until now I guess. Yes I had the ultrasound and saw my little baby but it still didn't seem like it was mine. This bleeding completely changed everything. THIS IS MY BABY. I AM PREGNANT. My husband is at work and he is teaching a new group at Disney today. Well, I called him and he was in the process of coming home and taking me straight to the ER within 2 minutes, before the doctor called me back. I called him and let him know what was going on after I talked the doctor. He still insisted on coming home and taking me to the ER but I talked him out of it and promised him that if anything changed, I would call him back. I also called my mom. She said the same thing happened to her when she was pregnant with me. She is also O negative and needed Rhogam. She has been smoking two packs a day since she was 15. She's 41 now and told me that she has decided to ask the doctor for a prescription to help her stop because she doesn't want to smell like smoke around the baby and she doesn't want to get lung cancer or anything other thing that can kill her because she wants to be around for this little baby. This baby is going to change the lives of so many people, I just know it. I've put myself on bed rest for the day. I'm sticking to the couch today and the only way I am getting up is if I need the bathroom or food/drink. I was supposed to clean my house today and go to the grocery store because since I started working, I've been to tired to lift a fing when I get home from work. I was so tired the last few nights that my hubby made dinner. I talked him through making spaghetti. He's never cooked before.

I NEED this little baby. It makes me cry to write this. I just keep talking to my little angel begging him to hang in there and telling him how much I need him to stay strong and to keep growing. I keep begging God to let his little heart keep beating strong. I already have my registry lists pretty much done. I have Target done but I need to do my Babies R Us. The only things I don't have are the boy/girl specific items. I KNOW this little one is a boy. I have the strongest feeling about it and so does my mom and husband. I just know. Please just pray for me that this little baby will be ok. I can't even begin to imagine how I would be if I lost him. He's the size of a kidney bean right now but still means more to me than life itself. How is that possible? How can something so tiny be your entire world? How can something so small feel like the entire reason for your existence in this world? How would I ever go on with life like normal if something were to happen?