22-9-2009 - 8 Days Old

My mood while writing this blog: In Love!!!!

Hello ladies

Sorry it's been so long since I updated but as you can imagine life is pretty hectic at the moment! Nobody told me life was going to be this busy!!! Where have the last 8 days gone? I feel like since I gave birth it has been 1 long continuous day.

Right, I have done my birth story but haven't managed to read any of your messages yet as I am just too busy breastfeeding, kissing, cuddling, changing bums etc. I will catch up over the next few days though and thank you to everyone who has supported me through the bad times and the good. I cannot believe the journey we went through to finally get to where we are now but seeing my little man makes every second of it worth it. I cannot believe the love I feel for him, from the second I saw him my heart just melted and I cannot get enough of him. Nobody can prepare you for the love you feel can they.

So we came home from the maternity home 12 hours after I gave birth, we had the option to stay in but I just wanted to bring him home and smother him in love. The first 2 or 3 days were fine, I think I was surviving on adrenalin and excitement, but then the baby blues hit me for 2 or 3 days and I just cried all day and felt like I couldn't cope. We added up that we had 15 hours sleep in 6 days so we were exhausted. I breastfed one day for 15 hours every 20 minutes, he is just so greedy. Anyway, after a few difficult days things are on the up, he isn't feeding so often and at night times Steve gives him formula which helps him sleep so we get 2 hours at a time and a total of 5/6 hours sleep a night at the minute. I am breastfeeding him from 7am until midnight and then Steve feeds him through the night but I still get up and make the bottles up so we don't get that much sleep but it's better than nothing. We are slowing learning how to look after him, I had no idea how difficult it was going to be, I was scared to change him, to bath him, scared of everything in case I hurt him but my confidence is growing with every day that passes.

I am dreading Steve going back to work next week, he has been my absolute rock and has done everything I ask him to do over the past 8 days. He is madly in love with Joshua and is a fantastic daddy already - it's his 26th birthday today and I feel bad that we can't do anything to celebrate but he just keeps saying he has the best birthday present ever - his son! I cried last night because I don't want him to go back to work next week, I don't know how I'll do everything I've been doing plus the stuff that Steve has been doing when he's not here. I can't expect him to get up in the night to feed Joshua when he has work in the morning. Anyway, I'm sure I will cope but I am going to miss him like mad and I know he's going to miss Joshua and me like crazy.

My family and friends are all obsessed with Joshua, my sister is round every day and my parents and Steve's parents miss him if they don't see him for a couple of days. The amount of visitors we have had already and the amount of cards and presents is just unreal. I had to start a diary so we could keep track of who is coming when.

The midwife has been to see me nearly every day as I've had some troubles healing down below. As I had quite a lot of stitches down below I am struggling with moving about, I got a hematoma (spelling??) right where the stitches where and have found it so painful sitting on it, the lump was massive but it is going down now. Then yesterday my stitches had split so the pain is back again now. But today me, Steve, Jack and Joshua have been for a nice walk and I really enjoyed it getting out of the house.

Joshua has got a cold, he is all snotty but he's still really happy. The midwife said as long as it's not on his chest he will be fine but he struggles to breast feed at the minute as he can't breathe very well through his nose. It breaks my heart that he's caught a cold already! Poor little man.

He is a very happy baby and everybody keeps telling me they can't believe how alert and content he is considering he's so young.

I love him with every bone in my body and cannot believe he's mine and he's finally here! I don't want him to grow up, I want him to be my baby forever, he is just perfect in every way and I don't know how I'm ever going to leave him. I can't bear the thought of being away from him.

Sorry this is a long blog but I have so much to say, I could talk about him all day long!

I'll leave it at that for now and update again in a few days.

Lots of labour dust to those who are waiting to give birth and lots of baby dust to those who are TTC. I am living proof that dreams can come true even after 3 miscarriages. I now have my perfect little man and my perfect little family, it might have taken nearly 3 years for it to happen and a hell of a lot of heartache and pain but I would do it all again to get my precious baby. xxxxxx