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19-4-2008 - its not getting easier

My mood while writing this blog: sad

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well.. none of this is getting easier.. its getting harder. it seems like im getting more and more depressed everyday. i just wanted a healthy baby. i just wanted a baby of my own. i just want to be like everyone else. i wanna be able to have a baby and to enjoy pregnancy and it seems like i never will. i pray to God he gives me the chance to conceive again and to have a healthy baby. i prayyyyy that he lets me. i just want to be a mother. thats all i want in life. im trying to get thru this. its relle tough and i wouldnt wish this on my worst enemy. this is deff the saddest time in my life and this has been the hardest thing ive ever had to do. i still second guess myself and wonder if i did the right thing or not. if i made the right decision. sometimes i think i did.. sometimes i think i didnt. i know i did in the end. i made the right decision for me. i hope that everyone on this website has a happy life and a healthy pregnancy. im not going to be signing on anymore. maybe once in a blue moon. but im going to try not to because it is just too painful. thank u to everyone who was there for me this whole time. and thank u to everyone who supported me and my decisions. it was relle hard and u helped me alot. please keep me and my baby girl in ur prayers. and ill keep u all in mine! <3 go0d luck and congrats everyone <3

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3 Comments on its not getting easier


Annie and wayne - Wednesday, 23 Apr
you will always be in my thoughts and i wish you every happiness in the future i wish i cd giv u a hug
take care babe xxxxx

riknlee - Sunday, 20 Apr
I hope you get this. I sooooo know how you feel - all the anger, disbelief, regret and fear are everything I went through too. I hope that I was able to help you just a tiny bit, even if it is to know that you are not the only one who has been through this. I wish you all the best in the future, I really do. Life gets better, it does. You may find some understanding people on a support site called PASS in the termination after poor prenatal diagnosis section as I did. Many people there have gone through what we have and will NEVER judge you. I still feel judged by the way and one woman even said she couldnt talk to me because of her religious beliefs and I nearly had a major fight with her over the internet. Well I will sign off now. I will always be here if you want to talk. Get counselling if you need to - dont be ashamed, it is a huge thing we both went through but time does make things better eventually. When the time is right and when everything is meant to be, you will have your baby. Please talk to someone, dont be depressed by yourself, reach out. Well take care, I mean it, look after yourself, be around people and if people are going to judge you, then they arent worth your time. Love always Lisa

clairek - Saturday, 19 Apr
hey there sorry to hear u r not gonna sign on much anymore but i wanna wish u all the best and one day u will get a healthy baby and i think u know the decison u made was right for u and ur little girl will know that and will close by u always.
lots of love and all the best for the future.