Members

As a member you'll be able to receive and send messages, keep your own photobook, agenda, ask questions, participate in the chat, and make new friends. All is free and you don't need email.
Sign up (free & anonymous)

Name: Password:

---

Activity
• Now online | Member search | New members | Comment Spy
• New blogs & Questions | Recently updated profiles
• New photos: Pregnancy | Babies | Bellies | Ultrasound | Member pages
• Latest comments: Forums | Week by week | Baby development

Write a new blog

---

24-2-2009 - Trying to Greive Over My Losses

My mood while writing this blog: depressed

---

My Angel Stories:

Landon Michael became an Angel October 13th, 2005. I found out when I was 5 months pregnant that my son had down syndrome...this was a huge shock to me and something that I knew as a mother I was able to handle and everything would fine! I would be a great mommy! I went in for my 6 month check-up and found out that not only did my son have down syndrome he also had a whole in is aeorta and sever heart complications, that may cause him to pass before I hit 9 months, he may live to birth and die after, or he may beat the odds and live to see his first birthday. The doctors didnt know if they would be able to perform surgery because of the damage that was already there. I had a hard choice to make, do I be selfish and keep my son and contiune to let him suffer or do I do what is best and let him be with God in peace. A decision that a mother should never have to make. A few days went by and I had made the decision that was best for him. I went in for an appt 2 days later, my dr started to place laminaria in my cervix and said "oh my...I just put 15 in! Never have I ever done that many.", She then explained that the reason she was able to put so many in was because I had already started to dialate...the process had already started on its own, and Landon had passed. I stood up to leave and my water broke, I was then rushed over to the hospital. After only a few hours, Landon was born, and there I was holding my son. Devestated....Never in my life thought I would go through something so hard.

After and extreme amount of testing to find out what happened I was told Landon's Down Syndrome was just a fluke and the odds of it happening again were slim to none. I did not carry a gene and neither did Landons "sperm donor". Everything with me was fine!

Audriana Hope became an Angel October 17th, 2007. I remember the day I found out I was pregnant with her..I had just returned home from the gym...didnt feel to good, my cycle was very irregualr so I figured I would take a test just to make sure. BFP! Wow, talk about shock! I was engaged to be married to her father who was just as much taken by suprise! It was one of the happiest days of my life, WE were going to have a baby and be a family! Something I had always wanted! My entire pregnancy was great! I remember I found out I was having a girl a few days before we got married in June. I couldnt tell you how happy I was!! We were having a girl! All of the testing came back normal and out little girl was set to arrive November 17th! We completed the nursery not long after our honeymoon...it is gorgeous (it is still there from her, we never repainted or removed anything) pink and brown. My baby shower was October 13th, we were celebrating and remembering. As we were rounding the corner to 9 months I went in for my 36 week check-up, I was alone, excited to see my lil Audri, and then I was told I am sorry, there is no heartbeat, and no fluid in her sac. I was beyond devestated! Not again, 2 times! I couldnt take it! I lost it! I couldn't get ahold of my husband...he was stuck on the boat in a drill. I didnt know what I was going to do...I finally reached my father in law who was able to reach him, and I was rushed over to the hospital to induce labor...the dr. said she had been gone over a week....a week! There I was again...after a few hours of labor holding my sweet, precious, Audri..I could not believe this was happening and I just wanted her to breathe so bad...do something! I just assumed because I didnt feel alot of movement that she was getting in position to be born and she was cramped for space....I had just felt her move Saturday...the dr said no that was probably a contraction. I could not beleive this was happening again and I wanted answers as to why, why me, why two times when everythign was fine.

We waited what felt like forever for her autopsy results to come back and they were really inconclusive....but the dr said that she had mainly passed from blood clotts through out her body and umbilical cord.

My husband and I then had another extreme amount of testing done, which ended up showing that I had Factor 5 Leiden (a blood clotting disorder), and MTHFR (which has to do with Folic Acid and B9 not properly being absorbed...etc which can cause Down Syndrome)

Baby RItter became an Angel February 18th, 2009. After the testing came back and we were told that the blood clotting can be fixed with an anticoagulant, we decided to start trying again...after a little over a year of trying and a few visits to the fertility dr, we went on a much needed Christmas Vacation with the family, after New Years something was saying take a test...so I did...it was a faint positive, so we went to Patient First and had a blood test done which was positive! We were sooooo happy that things had happened naturally, and we were finally going to get what we had been wanting! I went to my first dr appt at 6 weeks and was was so happy to see our little bean, heartbeat and all! Went to dr at 8 weeks, everything was looking good, baby was growing and stong lil heart! Then the devestation came again....went in for my 10 week check-up...and there was no heartbeat...baby had stopped growing and was measuring approx 9.5 weeks instead of 10.5. She said she thinks it was a chromosonal abnormalitiy and a heart defect I(like Landon), and I knew as soon as she started the u/s and I didnt see the little flicker something was wrong...and I was right. I lost it, asking why, how! She kept apologizing and saying she never thought we would have to have this conversation again and we were doing everything different this time to prevent this from happening! I tried to call my husband...and again, couldnt get ahold of him, it was a replay...he was stuck in a training class. I never thought I would ever go through this again....the dr did 1 lamaniara this time, and scheduled my d&c for the following day...a day that I never wanted to come........

So here I am 6 days later, waiting on the results....an emotional wreck...back at work trying to get my mind off of things...but that is definitely not working...all i want are answers...and what I have been wanting for so long...to be a mommy.

---

26 Comments on Trying to Greive Over My Losses


ryry - Saturday, 16 Apr
Did you ever get any answers for Baby Ritter? Was it the same thing as Landon? I'm so happy you're a mommy now! You deserve this happiness!

amber242 - Monday, 26 Oct
I just read your story and my heart is broken for you. I can't even begin to think of the pain you felt going through so much. All I can say is God has a reason for everything and you will be blessed for your strength! Keep your head up!!!

erikavb - Tuesday, 20 Oct
I cant even believe this could happen to anybody. YOu are a tough cookie. you hang in there because our lord will never leave you alone. Congrats on your baby girl!! will be praying for you both :)

Nikki1606 - Sunday, 13 Sep
Wow.. I cannot even IMAGINE what it must have been like to go through something like this! You definitely did not deserve any of this.. NOBODY would. I would never wish this upon my worst enemy. I know that you would have been a WONDERFUL mother and I see that youre pregnant now and I know that youre going to be a great Mommy to this little bean :) Good luck hun.. Ill be praying for you! xoxo

Mrs.Bolden - Saturday, 12 Sep
OMG! I just got through reading your blog and I couldn't even imagine going through all of that. I hope all goes well for you from now on.. My thoughts and prayers go out to you..

mummie2trey - Saturday, 5 Sep
Omg i am sooo sorry u have been though all of this...no 1 should have to go though this amout of pain in there life time..i hope this pregnancy goes well..good luck hun xx

Dizzyblond1979 - Wednesday, 26 Aug
omg i cant believe what you have been through what do i say to you!!! my heart goses out to you and i PRAY to god that you have a healthy baby that you deserve more than anyone i know xx

Maddie n Christians Mommy - Tuesday, 25 Aug
i just got done reading about your losses, and i am incredibly sorry! i couldnt imagine the pain you've had to endure with each one... I wish you the best of luck on this baby ritter and I feel this one will be different for you guys!! You are a very strong woman and i hope you have a wonderful pregnany & delivery, and you both will be great parents!! this baby ritter has 3 amazing gaurdian angels watching over him/or her!!

Dara - Friday, 21 Aug
Omg girl, Iam SOOOO SOO sorry about your losses. I started crying reading this! I don't know what it's like to go through it, this is my first pregnancy...and I don't know what I would do if that happened to me. All I can do is hope it doesn't and just live day to day! But Hey!!! You're pregnant now, and so far so good...and I'm sure everything is going to be fine for you! Good luck hun!

BabySaunders - Thursday, 30 Jul
Just read all your stories. I can't even imagine what you've been through. I've lost one baby at 8 weeks, but I've come to terms with that now. I'm now 12 weeks pregnant with my second and can't imagine losing them so far along. I'm so sorry for what you've endured, but I hope that it has brought you and your husband closer and you are more united. I hope that when you have THIS baby that you're pregnant with the whole world will shout from the rooftops how special and wonderful he/she is. I know that you will be great parents because you will appreciate how difficult it has been to become one and not take it for granted. Many blessings to you and yours....

baby[bump]mama - Wednesday, 29 Jul
oh my god...i am so so sorry for the loss of your babies. My heart goes out to you. I cant even imagine what hell you have gone thru. I hope and pray that you will have a successful pregnany. You and your hubby deserve this child. best of luck hun!!

mandypoo - Friday, 10 Jul
to you and your husband i send all my love, i have just sat and read your babies stories and i am lost for words. i cannot imagine what you must have gone through but i am so glad that you have shared it with us on here. i wish you all the luck in the world for this baby, mandy xxx

andriette and christians mummy liz - Wednesday, 1 Jul
Omg hun i just came across this blog and have tears streaming down my face,im so very sorry for the dificult times you have been put through.Sticky baby dust to you:-)

lisa337 - Monday, 15 Jun
Im so sorry for your losses. I have the same factor V Mutation and similar issues. I had all my losses early on I cant imagine going through what you are. My thoughts are with you.

Mummy-Sammy - Tuesday, 2 Jun
omg i am so sorry for your losses, i couldnt imagine going through what you have, i pray you get your strong healthy happy baby very soon, u derserve a baby more than anyone, good luck and it will happen xxx

Isa1227 - Saturday, 30 May
All I can say, is that you're really brave, and please do not give up, you will be a wonderful mother, and I'm sure God has something very special for you at his time... I'm really sorry but trust him he's with you and with your three lil angels

bodobaby - Monday, 18 May
I just came across your profile and I am completely speechless! So very sad to hear of your losses. My heart goes out to you and your family. May God bless you with lots of giggly babies SOON SOON SOON! I'm sending you TONS of baby/sticky/mommy dust! Bless your heart.

just♥mommy - Wednesday, 13 May
Omg I cannot imagine ever having to go through what you have gone through these past few years. I am in tears reading this and my heart goes out to you so badly. You deserve a baby more than anyone I know. It hurts me to think we're the same age and I have two children who have never had any problems. It makes me hurt worse for you. God has to give you a baby!! I just know it. You're a beautiful person and so strong for having to deal and go through this, so many times. No mother should ever have to hold their baby for the first time and say goodbye at the same time. I am so sorry. My thoughts & prayers are with you.

I pray that God will bless you with a very HEALTHY little on soon! Good luck and I am sending you lots & lots of healthy, happy and strong baby dust your way. Take care hun.

aidensmommy - Sunday, 3 May
You deserve a baby....It makes me so sick how people that don't need them in the first place can have as many as they want and a great couple like you have to go through so much heartache and loss..It's not fair..but I know god will see fit to give you that perfect little angel that you wll keep, love and cherish forever..Im rooting for you two and will keep you in my baby dust prayers...

MrsMommy2 - Tuesday, 21 Apr
oh hun I am crying reading this. My heart goes out to you. I am at a loss for words. I hope you are able to find the answers you need as to why this keeps happening to you, and get results. And I hope you find yourself pregnant and give birth to a happy healthy little one. My prayers are with you.

crystal10102007 - Thursday, 9 Apr
I am sooooo sorry for your losses. I can't imagine the pain you have endured. Never in my life have I realized how many women have such heartbreaking stories. I wish you a healthy and happy pregnancy very soon.

RainbowRach - Wednesday, 4 Mar
OMG, I am so so sorry for all the pain you have been through. Your blog has me crying for you and your husband.

It seems so unfair that you have been through all of this devestation.

I hope and pray that you are ready to TTC again soon and that your healthy, happy and full term baby makes it safely to your arms xx

PeapodMommy - Tuesday, 24 Feb
I too have Factor V Leiden and MTHFR. I have had 4 miscarriages, but all before 10 weeks. I am now pregnant again at 9 weeks and am scared after reading your blog that even if I do make it to the end, this could happen to me. I cannot imagine the heartache that you are going through. They have me on Lovenox and extra folic acid. Is this the same as what you were doing?

Xaviers Mommy :) - Tuesday, 24 Feb
I am sitting at my desk with tears coming down my face ;( this is such a horrible thing to have to go through, no one should ever have to go through something so painful. I will keep you in my prayers, Just stay hopeful & trust in God...he will make things possible. I am truly sorry for your loss. stay strong. xoxo

Love*Made*Us - Tuesday, 24 Feb
I am so sorry. It must be so painful. I will pray for you to have a healthy baby. Keep your chin up hun. XOXO

LilMrsK - Tuesday, 24 Feb
Oh hunny...I am sitting here in tears after reading this blog. I'm so so sorry. I'm sure there are no words that can comfort you, but please know that we are all here for you. Sending a gentle hug your way. xoxo