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17-7-2009 - down

My mood while writing this blog: sad

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I don't even know if I should be posting this...I feel stupid admiting this about myself. Why do I always feel this way?! For a long time now I have struggled with social anxiety and the feeling that people are always judging me. Part of me thinks I know this is stupid because most people are so wrapped up in their own lives that I'm sure they probably aren't thinking the thoughts that I assume they are. I just can't get past this and I'm almost 30. I have good days, but most days this is really how I feel. Like on here, I take it personally if I make a comment and no-one responds or if I write a blog and only a few respond. I have trouble at home going outside because I am afraid my neighbors are staring at me and thinking I am a horrible person. I can't look at anybody. Does anybody else ever feel this way? It's gotten worse lately because of just being stressed about getting ready for the baby when we have nothing, and needing to move but can't find a place, and just recently finding out that I am inevitably going to lose my job any day. I can't find another one in the mean-time in this economy...especially when I'm due in 7 weeks. I am probably rambling but I just feel awful today. Thanks for listening.

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5 Comments on down


westcoastgirl - Friday, 17 Jul
you're not alone, trust me. and heidi is right - your baby is going to think you're the most amazing person in the world! keep your chin up and when people look at you, look back at them and give a little smile - like you know they're just a little jealous of you and you don't mind that they can't help but stare. :)

momagainaft16years - Friday, 17 Jul
Don't feel alone..you're not. I still have those feelings sometimes and won't go into public without make up, hair done or up in a decent ponytail etc. I feel that people will look at me and think I'm ugly and not deserving of something. I made myself a few years ago, go to the movies on a Sat. night at a peak time...BY MYSELF. I made myself look people in the eye as I walked up, NOT breaking eye contact, and to speak quite loudly when buying my ticket and concessions. I sat right in the middle of the theater and happily watched the show. It made me feel empowered to do that. I also go to lunch or dinner by myself. It forces me to believe that no one is going to kill me, no one is going to make me leave, heck, it makes me feel in charge! Don't take things personally and live by this motto: "Always Assume the Best Intentions." Always think that people mean the best when you think they mean to hurt you or judge you. It takes time.....

Heidi Boo - Friday, 17 Jul
Hun - I know exactly how you feel... my dad has never been very nice to me and he brought me up to believe that I am a horrible person like him, so I suffer with confidence issues and paranoia too.
I have to remind myself that my husband and friends obviously don't agree - just the same I am sure your family and friends know that you are a lovely, thoughtful person. That's how you seem to me, anyway.
Try not to let things get to you - your baby is going to think you're fantastic too!
Big hugs xxxxxxx

LilyPants - Friday, 17 Jul
Aw, that's an awful feeling, hon.

I always have the feeling that people are judging me when I'm out (for different reasons than you, I'm sure). Even when I'm just walking across the street to get the mail! Pretty much the only time I leave my house is with my husband, because I am so insecure. (And because it's hot outside! But mostly because I'm insecure.) Even when I do happen to see other people outside, I ignore them and try not to make eye contact.

I hope you start feeling better soon. *hugs*

jennymomof3 - Friday, 17 Jul
Yes I struggled with anxiety and it really made me depressed. I went to a therapist who did something called Phsyc K and Biofeedback and can tell you he rid me of my anxiety and brought back my confidence. Find someone to help you with this......It will make you feel so much better. Hugs-