07-10-2008 - confused ramblings

My mood while writing this blog: emotional

Earlier today I wrote a blog about having an arguement with my mom, but we solved our issues so I deleted my blog about it. The whole problem boiled down to me wanting her to be more involved with this pregnancy than she might have time for. She is trying to plan her spotaneous wedding at the moment, start her salon, and raise 2 chilkdren still at home on top of me being pregnant and my older brother being in jail and hopefully getting out this week. I am glad we talked about it and she agreed to take me to an appt!! yeah!

I had a thought today while laying here in bed on bedrest. I have alot of family and friends that have had kids lately and their biggest complaint is only getting 3 hours of good quality time with their kids a night. I am dreading that. It feels so backwards to be able to be home right now while my baby is still baking, I should be home with her while she's growing up. I want to raise my baby with my husband, not some caretakers. Life is so short as it is and to only get a few hours a day with your kid because who can honestly afford to stay home anymore? It is sad. If we could afford it, I would drop down to part time and work the early hours in the day to be home with my family during the night.

I know my mom and my aunt had a hard time being stay at home moms because they felt their self worth was low. I can understand that just by being at home right now but I don't have the mental stimulation by taking care of a little baby. However mentally stimulating it might be...!!!???

All day today my baby was on my right side of my belly and making it poke out. I took a picture of it. althought my belly looks huge in it, you can still see it pop to the right. I tried to push her back to the left, but I think it was her bum in the air and she was probably really comfy. Bless her heart! thats another thing that I feel grateful for is maybe if I was working right now, I wouldn't notice all these things she does in me because I would be to preoccupied with work or whatever. But to be down all day and to feel where she is and to know her schedule is pretty neat. I wish my hubby stayed home with me to watch my waterbed of a belly. Its very fascinating.

My heartburn has finally eased up and my shortness of breath is a bit better. I am hoping for good news tomorrow at my weekly appt. I am watching Deliver Me in discovery health and they are talking about belly buttons popping out. mine hasn't yet, but I am overweight, so maybe it won't??? I hope not. If it does, I will cover it with a band aid!

My husband and I were talking about when we think I will have the baby and I am willing to bet it will be the day I get the cerclage removed because in my ultrasound last week, I was funneled so much and it was open pretty wide from the inside. so I think once the stitches are gone, I will open right up and have her. We are both hoping to have her on December 3 so she won't be so close to Christmas and she will get a chance at a good birthday seperate from Christmas. Another thing too is my bag of waters was pushing through my cervix when I got the cerclage put in. Maybe that might happen after and it will break??? I am 29weeks tomorrow and that means another 8 to go. I think I can do this. the first 8 weeks was hard, but now I am used to it, it should be downhill from here. Not to mention the excitement of buying a new house and moving into it and settign up the Christmas tree and lights, then bringing home baby to a wonderful new home. Her room in that house already has a wallpaper mural of a fairytale land. Perfect! Thats what her nursery was going to be. I want to mute the pink in it though because it's hot pink and hot green. I would like a softer pink. I might have to get my hubby on that one!

Well, my ramblings are done. I got out everything I needed to I think! I will update all tomorrow on my dr appt. My aunt is coming to help pack, so i might not have time to get on here, but I will Thursday!

Till then!