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28-4-2008 - The end of baby making days!

My mood while writing this blog: sad but will be okay- just need some time!

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April 27

And So we start a new chapter. My hubbie and I have decided we are not going to have any more children. I am okay ,or will be, with this and to some degree energized and relieved. Knowing the threat of possible death during child birth hung over my head was a little intimitating. Having children is wonderful but being pregnant has always been high risk. At my last visit-to discuss whay I wasn't getting pregnant- my Dr. strongly cautioned me against having any more, as apparently, each subsequent delivery carries a higher risk of increased bleeding. I have two problems a history of retained placentas and Von Willebrand's Disease- in my case I have less than half the normal clotting factor . (I almost bled out during my first delivery). Anyways these 2 problems toghether aren't a good mix. My hubbie says he won't risk his wife for another baby when he is content with the children we have. In some cases this disease improves as women age but in mine is apparently getting worse. So I must say although I would love to have another child I am not eager to kill myself in the process. My hubbie is going to try to get an appt. asap to end our baby making days. All the best to those of you who are ttc and pregnant.

April 28

I am sort of sad to close this chapter in my life I really was hoping for one more child. I wasn't going to tell my man about the dr.s warning because I knew how he would react. He told me awile back if he had to choose between his wife and an unborn child he would save his wife- he didn't know what he would do without his rock! What an amazing thing to say! So I had to tell him, it was only fair, and he reacted as I knew he would. You know it hurts but I'll get over it!

May 02

Feeling very much alone and like no one cares. I choke back tears as I think of the children I will never have and the 3 I have lost. I wish things could have been different that we had started earlier, that I didn't have VWD...I don't know I wish a lot of things...

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