04-8-2009 - Moving my old page into this blog

My mood while writing this blog: ok

Hey mommies to be,

I am a first time mom.....so a little nervous about the whole thing but absolutely excited about it at the same time. Never thought having a baby would bring so much happiness and anticipation in my life. Am thankful to god for this little joy. Hope everything goes well!!!

Pregnancy Survey
About You
Name:
Age:	25
Height:	5'4
Pre-pregnancy weight:	127 Pounds
About The Father
Name:
Age:	30
Height:	5'8
Are you still together:	Yes we got married a year back
About Your Pregnancy
Is this your first pregnancy:	Yes
When did you find out you were pregnant:	December 9th, 2007
Was it planned:	Yes
What was your first reaction:	Disbelief, Surprised, happy, excited
Who was with you when you found out:	Shailendra
Who was the first person you told:	My Sis
How did your parents react:	Thrillled!!
How far along are you:	15 weeks
What was your first symptom:	Slept through the day!
What is your due date:	August 17th, 2008
Do you know the sex of the baby:	No
If so, what is it:
Have you picked out names:	The great search is on!!
If so, what are they:
How much weight have you gained:	2-3 pounds atleast
Do you have stretch marks:	No
Have you felt the baby move:	No :( ...my baby is a lil grape right now !!!
Have you heard the heartbeat:	Yes!!!
About the birth
Will you keep the baby:	Yes
Home or hospital birth:	Hospital
Natural or medicated birth:	Medicated
Who will be in the delivery room with you:	My Husband
Will you breastfeed:	Yes
Do you think you'll need a c-section:	I hope not!!!
Will you cry when you hold the baby for the first time:	Yes yes !!!!!!!!
What's the first thing you might say to him/her:	Hi my lil angel
Would you let someone videotape the birth:	Maybe...if am not frantic
Are you excited about the birth, or scared:	Both

Tuesday, 15 Jan

Pregnancy LOSS
Were you pregnant?:	Yes
Was it planned?:	Yes
Did you lose the baby?:	Yes
How did you know something was wrong?:	Through 20th week ultrasound
What happened after you found out?:	We were devastated and were sent for amniocentesis
How did the doctor know you lost the baby?:	They knew he wouldn't survive when i started leaking amniotic fluid
Was this your first loss?:	Yes
How did you feel?:	Hopeless, shattered
How far along were you?:	21 Weeks
How did your spouse feel?:	He was absolutely broken inside
Was he with you when you found out?:	Yes
Was it a boy or a girl?:	Boy
Did you have gifts all ready?:	No
How was the fetus removed?:	Normal delivery
Did you hear the heartbeat before the loss?:	Yes
If so, how fast was it?:	156 bpm
Was it unexpected, or was there a concern to begin with?:	Totally unexpected
How did your family react?:	They were heart broken & shocked
What the hardest part about it?:	Seeing my baby and then letting him go
Do you know anyone else that is pregnant?:	Yes
Do you blame yourself?:	No
Did it hurt?:	unimaginable pain
Do you have a sonogram to remember your baby?:	yes 5 of them
When were you due?:	17th Aug 2008
Will you do something special on your {was to be} due date?:	Yes
Are you going to try again?:	Yes
Why did you lose the baby?:	He was not going to make it due to loss of amniotic fluid
Are you ok?:	Still trying to find hope
Take this survey | Find more surveys Bzoink - The Original Survey Site

Wednesday, 6th May 2008

Today it is my baby's 1 month birthday. Happy Birthday Aarya. Up in the heaven you must be cradling in angel's arms. As they love you and take care of you, your mom misses you dearly here. This mother's day i will be looking up in the sky and wishing for another chance to celebrate it with you. My little angel you will always be in my heart. Mom and dad love you very much. Happy birthday son.


Friday, 9th May 2008

Daddy please don`t look so sad,
Mommy please don`t cry.
I am in the arms of God
and He sings me lullabies.
Please do not try to question God,
don`t think He is unkind.
Don`t think He sent me to you and that
He changed His mind.
You see, I am special
and I`m needed up above.
I`m the special child you gave Him,
the product of your love.
I`ll always be there with you.
So watch the sky at night.
Find the brightest star that`s gleaming.
That`s my halo`s brilliant light.
So Daddy please don`t look so sad.
Mommy please don`t cry.
I am in the arms of God.
And He sings me lullabies.

16th August 2008

This is a depressing post....So please read with discretion.

It is rainy today.....gloomy and dark outside......just like my heart inside.....17th August.......this date means nothing to me now.......but 4 months back I was counting down to this day........My baby was suppose to be born tomorrow.......Nothing new is going to happen....my day will just come and go......no one is going to visit me.......it is just going to be another Sunday.

I don't want to be sad or depressed but happiness has left me for good......I use to be a person with a huge smile always and now I always have tears in my eyes........I don't know when will I move on.....I am not progressing.....I am happy from outside but always sad inside.

I want to live again and not think about this day. But this day has come and every passing moment reminds me of it. I know it is bad not to acknowledge this day but seriously the more I remember the worse I feel inside.....

Hoping to move on with my Blah life......and not think about it anymore.