17-2-2010 - isnt age nothing but a number?

My mood while writing this blog: :(

good morning ladies.

so damaya is finally sitting up on her own. she is getting better at it everyday. it is amazing how time flies by.

i have a little vent to share.

i am 20 years old, turning 21 on august 26. i have been married for over a year and have my beautiful daughter in our lives. we have our own home and are doing pretty good considering my husband is paying all the bills and i am a stay at home mommy. we live great for our ages and experience with being parents. id like to say i deserve one hell of a pat on the back because a lot of the friends we have that have children are not on our level and dont have any way of getting their lives on track the way we have ours. unfortunately for them they dont have the family support we do and the ones that do obviously are too immature nd selfish to really direct the support to their children but themselves.

my husband and i have been independent, living on our owns for years. i moved ou at 14 and my husband at 16 so living on our own, paying bills and supporting ourselves is nothing new to us so you would think we have earned respect from older people as adults.

my grandmother continues to treat us like we are children. i dont know how i sound right now. the last thing i want to sound like is a typical 20 year old child ranting about how life isnt fair.

everytime my husband is around my grandmother she always has something to comment about his appearance. lately the topic has been his hair. my husband always has his hair short but lately he wanted to save some money on getting a hair cut every month nd just grow it out and cut it before our daughters baptism on march 6. my husband is 21 years old and is a big boy. he should be able to do with his hair what he wants . its not like he has dyed it green and gelled it into a mohawk. it is just simply in a blow out.

my grandmother always tells him, i dont like your hair, you need to cut it then turn to me and say he needs to cut his hair. like it is her say on what he needs to do. ugh.

the other day she asked me if he had a nice suit for the baptism ceremony. we are having it done in a beautiful church with a reception following at a banquet hall so the dress is formal. my husband has 5 suits that are name brand so i answered her yes, to end the conversation. she then tells me she needs to see it to make sure it looks nice and is to her liking. i looked at her with this face like what is your problem woman? she did the same with my baby shower which we had her house. she wanted to see what he was going to wear to make sure his jeans didnt drag on the floor or was rolled up. she thinks that my 21 year old husband needs to dress like her 75 year old husband and quite frankly that will never happen, not until he is 75 and even so he probably wont dress like my grandfather.

i brushed it off, even tho to this day it is bugging me. but yesterday she pissed me off again. (i would go into what she annoyed me with regarding my daughters baptism inviations but this blog is going to be long enough!).

before christmas i had gotten my hair done by my former hair stylest but she ruined my hair. i dont know if i sound crazy but my hair means a lot to me. i maintain my hair with expensive products because of its length (it is almost to my waist) and thickness. when i get my hair done i am always nervous and worried at how it will turn out. after telling this woman that all i wanted was highlights, she put highlights but they didnt come out the right coior, then after adding toner nd leaving it my hair too long my hair ended up looking like a hot mess. the top half of my hair is my natural base w pinkish highlights and the bottom half of my hair is like a weird brown base nd random blonde and pink highlights and some sections no highlights at all. the foils were not placed close to my scalp and it looked like i needed my roots touched up after washing my hair 3 times. i was furious. needless to say my grandmother offered to pay for my hair to be fixed closer to my daughters baptism, which was fine by me. there wouldnt have been a point in doing my hair in jan then having to touch up in feb.

so i have patiently waited for my hair to be fixed. yesterday i called my grandmother to ask when i would be able to get my hair done. she then asks me where im getting it done and that it needs to be with her hair styles because i have a bad judge of character! mind you my former hair stylest had not given me problems in the 3 years she has been doing my hair so how do i have bad judge of character?!

then she asks me what color i am doing and i proceeded to tell her auburn with caramel highlights so when my roots grow in my natural color kinda blends well with the dyed color and i wouldnt have to touch up my roots as often. she then tells me she needs to approve of the color. i was like omg i am going to hang up on this woman. i simply told her no she doesnt need to see it and that if i were planning on dying my hair pink with purple highlights it still wouldnt matter what she prefered because i am an adult and it is my hair. i would never dye my hair silly colors like that but it was to make a point.

then she tells me well your not cutting it. i asked why and she said because i am not allowed to cut my hair and that it needs to stay the way it is. at this point i was so frustrated that i couldnt finish the conversation. i quickly said goodbye and hung up.

later that nighy (last night) she calls and says she is serious and that if i cut my hair she is moving away because no one cares about her. i felt like i was speaking to a child having a titty attack. its easy for her to say to keep my hair this long but she doesnt have to maintain it or deal with it. we live in miami and the weather is far from cool. it is always humid and ugh having long hair is the last thing i want to do. when i cut my hair i usually cut off what is unhealthy anyways. im not cutting a bob or anything crazy short. she knows that, she just wants to be in control.

she is always telling me what i should be doing with my daughter, telling me i always need to put perfume on her and that she always needs to have her butt washed after every poopy diaper. (they did this in cuba when she was a child because they didnt have wipes and stuff. she hasnt realized 60 years later that we have wipes and doing that is not only time consuming but isnt really safe for a child. besides i have her night time bath routine, but i dont expect her to understand it even though i have explained it to her in english and spanish 2316843241386413 times).

sorry ladies, this is a really long blog but i had to get it off my chest. i am going over there after i wake and feed the baby and if i didnt get this off my chest i probably would have argued with her.

i hate fighting with my grandmother because i know her intentions are not bad. she loves all of us and she wants the best for her family. she adores my sister and i and my daughter and our wonderful husbands. she has done a lot for us since we were children. she is a second mother to me. and i think partially that is one of her biggest issues. she cant let go of the fact that we are not children and fully dependent on her. nd it drives her crazy that i dont let her help me with anything.

my cousins on the other hand are so dependent on everyone that when my oldest cousin (well we have a huge family so this is one of the closer cousins to us) had her 2 children, it took my grandmother, her sister, my cousins mother, my cousins younger sister and her to care for the children. she has been going thru lawschool and bar exams so when she needs to study my godmother (her mother) doesnt allow her husband (the childrens father) to watchh the children on his own so when she takes up the taking care of the kids (now 5 and 3) she calls on my grandmother and her sister to help her. now my grandfather even goes to help around.

now that my other cousin ( the older cousins younger sister) had her son in december, everything i do is compared to her and her son. my daughter is 4 months ahead of him with growth, age and all. she of course loves being up everyones a** and does the washing of the bum after every poopy and has everyone help her. she mentioned to me that her mother comes over every night to wash the bottles and dishes from the day because she cant and she doesnt like how her husband does the dishes, which he does perfectly fine.

i am just so annoyed with a lot that is going on that its affect my relationships with the closest people in my life. my cousins are in their late 20's, early 30's so yeah i am one of the younger moms in the bunch but everyone starts somewhere right?

at the start of their marriages they lived in apartments and struggled at some points. no one judged them and surely no one tried them like they try me. when they were my ages they were really immature and couldnt have dealt with the responsibility of a husband, child and dog. im doing it at 20 years old with time to spare and parts of the day where i am bored.

i dont like to toot my own horn but right about now is where i am reaching my breaking point. at one side i feel i am being too hard on my family and not really being the cousin and grand daughter i should be and talking about them in such a negative way is not how i was raised but i feel i need to defend myself at least in my own mind. i wouldnt dare to share these thoughts with them because it could only result in a severe split of our family. i adore my cousins, their children and all the family i have. i just wish my grandmother and everyone else would stop comparing me to my cousins and would give me some damn credit.

ahh okay now im done.