06-9-2009 - 22 weeks N 5 days - update

My mood while writing this blog: Hungry

so today im 22 weeks n 5 days.

a lot has happened since my last update. for one, we found out that we're expecting a little boy! his name is Kai Kalani Isaiah(my sister picked Kai, Kalani is my bf's grandfather's name and i just really like Isaiah)

i recently got over the swine flue. totally SUCKED. i was stuck in the hospital for 5 horrible days connected to so many machines it was crazy. i got over it quicker than most but those 5 days of quarentin sucked ass. the baby is fine though. he'sa fighter just like his mommy and daddy.

my BF has been able to feel the baby move for like the past 3 weeks. its so cute! i love to see his face every time the baby kicks him. he gets so happy! Oh! and the 20 week ultrasound was the first time he got to see the baby. so his excitment is now through the roof!

i started school on aug. 24 and i'm really enjoying it(sounds gay) but it makes the weeks go by quick. i'm only taking 3 classes(spanish, psych, and math) so i'm only there for 3 hours a day. my school is in monterey though so i usually spend more time walking around with Eric. i think the aquarium will be the first "fun place" that we(as a new family) take Kai. his name does mean ocean so it would only make sense lol.

yesterday was a sad day for me. i mean it can be corrected but it is still a risk. so we(my BF and i) have a pitbull named Macc. he's more of a hybrid off a pit called an american bully. basically he is shorter, smaller, fatter and the aggression has been bred out. for the first 12 weeks of my pregnancy i was put on bedrest because of my previous mis. so i wasnt able to walk him or play with him for that time. i felt SO bad. i told my BF to come walk the dog since it is his dog too. he said he would but never did. so ive been walking him and playing with him but no where near as long as he needs because i get tired of running around with him. i think i have a good enough excuse. my bf and i dont live together but when he does come here(which is all the time) he doesnt even go see the dog he supposably loves so much. well Macc just turned a year old this month and ive always said that i was going to put him on a raw diet after he turned a year-its healthier. so yesterday was the first day. i gave him two pieces of chicken and canned vegetables. i was petting him while he was eating and i touched his cheek and he growled at me! this has never happened. with the kibble i am able to put my hand in the bowl and grab a handful of food. well i grabbed him by the collar, yelled at him, then took his bowl away. i went inside for 5 minutes(since he eats outside) and took his bowl with me. came back 5 min later gave him the bowl and pet him again. he didnt growl but he got locked up. i talked to my BF about it and he said we can take him through a more advanced training class but he said he understood if i wanted to give the dog away. I LOVE THIS DOG so i had an emotional breakdown just thinking about it.but then i dont want to have my baby in a house with an aggressive dog. just stuck and hurt by the whole thing. i guess i'ma try working with him but if the aggression still persists when the time gets closer he may have to go :(

So i have that stuck in my head then my dad calls me...great. my dad left my mom for another woman when i was 4. he was abusive and did bad things to my family.so really i had no relationship with this man my whole life but he called a few months ago saying he wanted to build a relationship. b4 he was just the "doner". so when i was about 7 weeks prego i called him to wish him a happy bday and tell him i was prego. (something he should consider a priviledge since he wanted nothing to do with me when i was younger. in reality i owe him nothing) he starts talking to me about my parents divorce(um i was 4 at the time!) and he start bad mouthing my mom and sister. um ok so i got pissed. my mom raised me! not him. my sister is my best friend and has always had my back no matter what. not him! my mom, sister, and brother are the only family ive ever had so who the fuck is he to come in and start talking shit. so i snapped at him told him all this and hung up. then he textes me saying that i was young when it all happened but now my mom just has me brainwashed to take her side. w/e i just decided not to talk to him anymore. so yesterday im texting my friend and low and behold the ass calls my phone...again(he's been calling for the past few months but i ignore his calls) but since i was texting i accidently answered. so i lie and say that im at work and i cant talk. he sends me on this guilt trip about how it hurts that ive been ignoring him. wtf?!?! he ignored and forgot about me my whole life! so i just hung up but emotions got the best of me and i broke. i called my sister(felt really bad about calling her with problems since she on vacation with her fam) and she talked me through it. and i felt alot better until i told my BF and he show'd no sympathy. he made a joke about it so that had me pissed for almost the rest of the day. then the retard keeps asking "whats wrong"? ugh! he doesnt have a clue!!!!! when my mom got home though she talked to me about it and i got over it.

so needless to say yesterday sucked balls but hopefully today will be better

22 week, 5 days, deeply in love with a man i sometimes want to choke, and baby Kai's kickboxing is getting stronger with each day!