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11-4-2009 - Counting My Blessings

My mood while writing this blog: Ok

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Over the last few days I have really started to reflect back on my life. I have been through a lot in my life. Some good and some really bad things that almost made living impossible for me to imagine. Since I have been pregnant, a couple of my friends have been pregnant and they lost their babies. I myself have also suffered the lost of a child so I was able to comfort them to some degree. Last night I just became overwhelmed with emotions thinking about how far I've come with this baby. My son was born at 32wks so I'm excited! I can't wait to hold my baby girl in my arms. But to honest, I can't help but to get a little paranoid that something might happen. They say, fear comes from thinking that something you really want might not happen the way you want it. I know it's not good to live in fear, and trust me I try my best to control it in my mind. After losing a baby, you always have that fear in the back of your head that anything can happen at any time.

Anyway, when I feel those thoughts creeping in my mind, I start to think of all the things I have already been blessed with. I have a son that any mother would love to have! He is full of love, joy, and compassion. He has a special way of touching your heart. We are very close, and I love our relationship. I have a very close family and my in laws are awesome. We have so much support surrounding us, you wonder how can I be fearful. Well, I'm human. So for anyone that may be able to relate, there is some one else out there that understands. We must try our best to fight those negative thoughts and feelings with positive thoughts. I hope this helps someone.

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1 Comments on Counting My Blessings


monstamama - Saturday, 11 Apr
Thank you. I have some of the same fears..about losing the baby. I think mine is from my Grandma losing her first two. They were separate pregnancies but for some reason, God took them both. It scares me but I also realize that my life, and my child's, is in God's hands. It is comforting to know there are other women out there, worried about these things. I often wondered how 'normal' my concern was. You are right though...about having a lot to be thankful for. And I am sure out little ones will be healthy and we will have the rest of our lives to enjoy them.