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31-5-2009 - Fears of Pregnancy and Being a New Mommy...

My mood while writing this blog: Scared

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I have no idea what's going on with me. I have been so anxious and scared about everything the past few days and it's just driving me nuts!

I'm:

Worried that our son will be ugly. Terrible thing to say about my own son, I know, but I'm afraid that maybe he'll get picked on in school...

Worried that my husband isn't really interested in the pregnancy, compared to other fathers-to-be.

Worried that we won't be ready for the arrival of the baby and somehow our son will lack a great beginning to life because we aren't prepared.

Worried that somehow if we don't have the perfect nursery, extreme devastation will be brought upon our son and he'll be subject to an untold amount of suffering (okay, maybe this one's a little dramatic...).

Worried that I'm not documenting this pregnancy as much as I should be.

Worried that we will not be able to afford Isaac all the basic necessities as he grows older.

Worried that I won't be able to bond with Isaac as he grows up and that he'll end up hating his mother.

Worried that I won't be able to raise him properly.

Worried that my husband and I will disagree about some major child-rearing issues and for some reason or another won't be able to work through it.

**AND MY TWO BIGGEST FEARS:**

-Stillbirth

-That my son will suffer serious injury or death because I didn't do something right.

Are these all rational or stupid fears? Are they normal? Why am I suddenly so fearful about the pregnancy and about my capabilities as a mother, when I've been so positive about everything so far? How does one relax and let go of the fear? Do the fears ever subside?

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10 Comments on Fears of Pregnancy and Being a New Mommy...


Aiona - Friday, 5 Jun
I don't know if you believe in God or not, but when I am afraid (and I tend to think of a LOT of things that can go wrong. There are lots of things on your list that are on mine as well!), I say a little prayer, and often times aid comes to me out of nowhere. I don't know how, but it does. "Lord, help me not to fear. Help me to go boldly in the direction of my dreams, and please help the world to help me in my endeavors. Amen." Dunno. It helps me feel better and perhaps draws people to me who understand what I'm feeling, and can help me! I'm glad you're on the website!

sngr82 - Tuesday, 2 Jun
Hey girl, As I read you blog I thought 'Boy, is she thinking what I am thinking!!' It is human nature to worry! We will all be wonderful Moms and unfortunately we will always worry! I hope you can get some peace in these next weeks. Enjoy the ride and just be thankful for each day girl!

**Philippians 4:6-7
6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.**

phooey - Monday, 1 Jun
I'd say these are all completely normal fears. I'm a worry wart myself. As a teacher, I find myself worrying about her education a lot, and trying to raise her to be an intellectual rather than a girl who is always worried about her appearance and materialistic goods. I think what's happening here, is that we are earning our new title: MOM. that's what mom's do, we worry about our little ones all the time, warranted or not! I read a comment on this website somewhere, and it stuck with me: Bad mothers don't sit around and worry about being good moms!

Try to enjoy the pregnancy because we only have a few short months left. And try not to worry about having the nursery perfect, all he's going to need is your milk, some diapers, and a place to sleep.

westcoastgirl - Monday, 1 Jun
either these are perfectly normal things to worry about or we (and millions of other women throughout time) are all crazy! i prefer to think they're normal. :) what's been helping me a little is trying to keep these fears in check... so when i have a worry, i'll let myself think about it for a minute and acknowledge that it's a legitimate worry - then i'll remind myself that it does NOBODY any good to worry about what i can't control and causes me and baby unnecessary stress. then i try to focus on something else; i just don't let these thoughts take over my brain. easier said than done but honestly, it's getting easier to redirect my focus onto other things. i've been reading a lot of fiction (non baby related so my mind doesn't start wandering). just know you're not alone, the chance of any of this stuff happening is low, and try to let go of some of it - don't be too hard on yourself about not doing enough or not doing things perfectly because we're all human and can only do so much. give yourself a big hug from me! xo

maebeth - Monday, 1 Jun
Hi. It's normal. I was a wreck with my daughter's pregnancy. After awhile you will get into the swing of things (usually after the hormones leave). I think the hormones really mess with us and there are good days and bad days. I find that writing the fears down (actually I type, but anyways) helps. It relieves some of the fear/anxiety and then I have my hubby read some of them sometimes. We can work out a certain fear or he can help me rationalize why this won't happen. Also, the two biggest fears you listed are scary. Do you know the risks of stillbirth for your situation? Ask the doctor sometime or research it on your own. It'll probably make you feel tons better. (I think for the average normal pregnancy it's 1% or less, but I could be wrong as I don't pay attention as I fall into a very different set of circumstances) As far as doing something wrong, do the best you can and things wil be fine. Look at how many great kids are walking around to mom's and dad's that did (enter risk here, example smoking during pregnancy). It'll be ok and remember hormones do a number on our rational thinking. Ask hubby or someone close to listen and ask them if it's rational or hormonal. It's not easy and I struggle with it along with millions of others. Good luck and God Bless.

utopianite - Monday, 1 Jun
Perfectly normal. And it doesn't get any better after the baby comes. :-)

maryf914 - Monday, 1 Jun
Don't worry...I had these same overwhelming anxieties a month or so back. My husband and I had some good heart to hearts and it helped me a lot. We're all riding the waves of pregnancy hormones but just take things one day at a time. Things will work out just fine. Just having these worries shows how much you already care and love for him. You're going to be a great mommy and I know you'll give him unconditional love no matter what.

mommie-2-2 - Monday, 1 Jun
I had those same fears with my daughter! But then you have your baby and whole lotta new concerns come crashing in!!! Its completely normal..... welcome to motherhood! LOL

tattooin-momma - Monday, 1 Jun
hun. I have most of those fears as well. only some of mine are also my baby girl getting knocked up before finishing school, and/or her getting some kind of deadly STD!.. I think we have every right to worry about our babys! and the life the'll have here in the "outside world" but. it shouldn't control our every thought. I try to goggle every question I have. like right now I'm 2 seconds away from googling "how to prevent SIDS." as this JUST became a new fear of mine TODAY, while shopping for bedding!! I also TRY to let go and loose myself in some other task. and when I feel her kick I know in my heart that everythings fine. constant worry causes unneeded stress. and that's bad for us and baby. just know, everything will turn out just fine, and that your worries are NORMAL for a new mommy!(except the perfect nursury one. that one is a little far fetched. lol.)the nursery is really for MOMMY, isaacs not gonna come out demanding a new theme or color! :-P just try not to worry to much hun. enjoy Issac while he's still all yours! cause once he's out... you'll have to share him with the rest of the world. and as long as you show him love you will ALWAYS be the favorite!!. I hope I didn't freak you out more with all my random-ness. I hope you feel better soon hun.

gia99 - Sunday, 31 May
Live for today....I know its hard at times...Everyone has fears..But you ca not live in fear...it makes you weak...being worried is normal but you will prolly drive yourself nuts...Just relax and enjoy your moments...Life is to short to worry about the unknown!! :)