moncheri09's I-am-pregnantblog

moncheri09
	Age: 30 Country: USA Province/region: Southwest City: Partner: Husband Alex - 40 Children: Yes, 2 Pregnant: Not anymore Occupation: Domestic Engineer
	Online: 39 days ago. Last updated: 339 days ago. Member since: 1096 days
\| Profile \| Photos (39) \| Children (2) \| Blog (10) \| Polls (28) \| Agenda (2) \| Comments added (69) \| Notepad

Members

Write a new blog

24-8-2009 - OMG - Where Did THAT Thought Come From?

My mood while writing this blog:
Not Good

So could this be depression or just soon-to-be-mommy hormones gone haywire? My friend who was due two days before me had her baby today. When I got the news that her water broke and she was in the hospital, I couldn't help but feel an actual twinge of jealousy, even though I was happy for her. I was so shocked and embarrassed by my feelings all I could do was cry. I talked about it a little with my husband and really tried to pull myself together. After all, I just have about 2 more weeks and li'l Isaac will be here.

I don't know what made me so upset. Was it that I feel like I will be pregnant forever? Did I feel left behind in pregnancy while my good friend moved onto mommy-hood? Was it that she was going to meet her baby and I still have to wait for some unknown amount of time? Was it that I feel so huge, swollen, uncomfortable and taken for hostage these days and her relief was just hours away? My guess is that it was a little of everything.

Then the worst happened. Just before bed, I received 2 pics via phone of a beautiful new momma and her lovely bundle of joy. I tried to hold back, but the tears just came... then the frustration... then the anger and sadness. For a moment, I actually felt like punching myself in the stomach. WHAT THE HELL? Why would I think about doing that? All I knew was that I felt like my body was betraying me by not giving up the baby NOW. How could I feel a surge of such anger and violence toward the very bump that has brought me so much joy and fulfillment for the past nine months?

I couldn't possibly want to hurt Isaac. And now all I can do is cry for even thinking the way I did, fearing that somehow he felt my thoughts, my anger, my frustration. I laid down and rubbed my belly and tried to send loving signals to my precious son, but I just kept crying, afraid that somehow I made him feel unloved, unwelcome and unwanted. I have been so irrational and emotional lately, but tonight just really took the cake. For the first time, I really felt like I didn't deserve something so wonderful as the precious life growing inside of me. And now I am just so sad.

6 Comments on OMG - Where Did THAT Thought Come From?

mommie-2-2 - Tuesday, 25 Aug
just hormones!!! I'm in the same boat!! Hang in there. Could be this Arizona heat too.

phooey - Tuesday, 25 Aug
Awww, don't be so rough on yourself! We're all so miserable, we all want our babies right NOW! I get jealous when the ladies in or around my week talk of their progress bc I've made none! lol! It's totally natrual! And as the other mommies have already said the hormones are out of control! i saw that you really enjoyed swimming, try to spend as much time as you can in the pool to relax and alleviate some of the physical discomfort.

Texas gal - Tuesday, 25 Aug
Wow... where to begin. First of all, you should try to remember that we are not ourselves right now. We are all emotional and hormonal to the extreme that we have never seen before. So, don't beat yourself up about things that we have no control over. You will be your old self again. Right now, we can cry at the drop of a hat and have no freaking idea why. You probably were a little jealous that your friend had her baby before you. But, that is normal, because for 9 1/2 months we have been thinking of nothing else than this baby that we are all carrying. It kind of consumed my life. I find myself constantly talking about the baby and others asking me just about my pregnancy. And the conversations go on and on. I mean, I started thinking, this is ridiculious! People I can carry on a conversation about anything not just my baby on the way. We have all been overloaded and sometimes, I feel like the need to focus on other conversations and things, just to keep my sanity. We are almost at the end of this pregnancy journey and about to start a whole new chapter in our lives. So, I am looking forward to starting the next chapter. That and of course... 1. Getting my body back 2. being able to roll out of bed easily3. Feeling like the jolly green giant walking down the hall.4. being able to see and shave down there! 5. Not being stared at by complete strangers6. Having complete strangers try to touch your belly 7. Drinking again! Good grief I miss having wine and beer and coctails. 8. working out again 9. Feeling sexy and enjoying sex again 10. And... Staying home from work for a while. Whew.... I feel like I need a vacation. What are you going to enjoy again? Start by making a list of things that you will enjoy again and then one of things that you would like to do. Let's try to divert some of our bad feelings. ??????

westcoastgirl - Monday, 24 Aug
oh sweetie, don't feel bad about that. i think that you're right - it's a combination of a bunch of things and in no way reflects your rational mind or what kind of mom you're going to be. hormones are out of control right now and we're beyond ready to meet our little ones so it's natural to feel a little jealous of those who are getting there before us! i'm sure you'll (kind of) laugh about it in a few weeks, right?! try not to be hard on yourself - you're totally normal and just super pregnant! xox

utopianite - Monday, 24 Aug
It's just hormones and happens to the best of us. At this point hearing "your time will come" or "you couldn't possibly have much longer" is no longer comforting. And the daily calls from relatives asking if you've had that baby yet, doesn't help either. Just know that there's nothing wrong with you, other than an unbelievable amount of hormones running through your body right now.

leah20 - Monday, 24 Aug
Aww hun dont be upset!! Ur friends pregnancy is now over yeh but she will miss feeling her gorgeous baby move around inside her!! My girl will be 1 next week and i cant begin to tell u how much i miss feeling her move inside me (and i hated being pregnant lol) Honestly hun enjoy the last 2 weeks or so of being pregnant because it is such an amazing feeling! And ur baby will be here very soon :D Take care and the best of luck babe!!! xxxxx

Photos