01-10-2008 - update on JO-Z

My mood while writing this blog: Ok

thank you all for your kind & supportive messages..XOXO

so yesterday i went & picked up my little man. he was doing MUCH better =) i was SO happy to see him. i waited around to talk to the doctor so he could give me some medicine. the doctor told me that he believes jo-z was beaten in the head possibly with a fist because if he had been hit with an object he would have a raised bump on his head. this whole situation has REALLY torn me apart. first of all how could ANYONE hurt a little dog ? (i mean ANY animal for that matter) but i mean jo-z is SO sweet & loving & kind..he wouldnt ever even bark at anyone. the only time he barks is when he sees me & hes really excited..anyways..this is really hard for me because COLBY was the ONLY one who was home ALL day..& he says he "doesnt know what happened"..he said he didnt even notice anything was wrong with joz..bullshit! because as soon as i walked in the house from work colby was in the shower & my baby was laying lifeless on the couch with his eyes bleeding trying to fuckin wag his tail because he was so happy i was home. (im sorry for my language but i am VERY upset!) so i talked to my mother & my brother & everyone that knew what happened. they ALL agree that there is no other way that joz could have gotten those injuries. colby HAD to have beat him. i confronted him with this & he told me OFF! so i shut up..i went outside to let joz go to the bathroom & i noticed my neighbor was outside..she is an older woman & she was walking her little scottie dog. she said "im glad you are alone there is something i wanted to tell you" (by the way i just moved into these condos in aug) i was like ok..what is it? she said "i am not trying to insult you or make you feel bad in any way but your boyfriend colby gives me a really bad feeling montana, and my feelings are usually right" this came as quite a SHOCK to me because she had no idea what happened to jo z. i started crying & i was holding jo z..i told her that was SO weird that she told me that & then explained what happened. she told me she knew colby had hurt my baby. now this is all very hard for me because colby has never hurt any of our babies (as far as i know) & when i got home with jo z he had made him a little bed & was trying to hand feed him & got him water (i thought could this be guilt?) i told my mom what my neighbor had told me & she said montana that is VERY strange because ive been wanting to tell you this.."when colby comes around he is not the same colby anymore. there is something about him"..yes there is something about him..everytime i see him now i get this "evil" feeling. but this is the man i am going to have my CHILD with..this is the last thing i want to believe!!!!!!! but my mother keeps saying "what happened to joz may have just saved braxtons life"..i asked the doctor is there was any other possible way jo z could have come about this trauma & he told me no. either someone beat him or he was hit by a car. i know he was not hit by a car because i KNOW colby would have called me immediately & told me..if he had nothing to hide..so i know colby had to have beat my baby & just the thought of that makes me want to throw up. oh & jo z had been VERY resistant of colby..colby will call jo z over there & jo z will go but then he will run right over to me. last night i slept in a separate room with joz next to me just because i was scared & this morning colby came in to lay with jo z for a minute..he layed down next to him & joz kept looking at me & then he got up & jumped over me & layed on the OTHER side of me..i mean i feel like he is scared of colby..i really see that in his eyes.. if you had seen my little baby laying lifeless on the couch with his eyes bleeding & rolling in the back of his head you would know what i am feeling. i cant get that image out of my head. he is so tiny & he was so helpless & he tried SO hard to get up to come see me when i got home..uuggghhh i cant even talk about this anymore because i am crying & getting so upset. but i mean is this true? did colby hurt my baby?! oh gosh..i really wish it wasnt true..i wish there was another explanation..but the more i talk to people..the truth is coming out..i feel so heartbroken..so betrayed..i am hurting so bad not for myself but for my 2 babies..braxton (our SON) & joz.