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|29-10-2008 - life..
||My mood while writing this blog:|
well nov. 5 my mother is scheduled to have her entire breast removed..she is really upset & i just wish so bad i could do something to help her, but there is nothing anyone can do. i can't imagine what she is going through. it breaks my heart. i cry everytime i think about it..but i know once she is in heaven (which i hope isnt for a LONG time) she will be happy & rewarded..she is such an amazing woman..my HERO! i love her more than LIFE! she is refusing chemo & radiation..which i support her decision 100% because i know both would just tear her up..she would be in a lot more pain then she is already in..i just want her to live a long happy life..thats all i pray!
nov. 7th colby finds out when he will be going away to rehab. he will be entering a 6 month program..which i know is best, but it means he wont be here when brax is born..which really breaks my heart. hes the one person i wanted in the room with me. :( i want to cherish every second i spend with him, but i feel like he doesn't really care. i think it hasn't really hit him that he will be leaving so soon..actually i know he doesn't think he'll be leaving soon because he keeps saying hes going to beg her for "one last chance" (which he has had MANY of with probation) i keep reminding him he should be in jail so he is very lucky she is going to work with him..
since colby will be leaving i have to move out of the condo :( which really sucks because we just got braxton's room all finished up & everything & it looks SO cute! i will be moving accross town with my aunt (who is one of my best friends) but the reason i am really upset is because it's 45min away from my mom & my dad. i go see my mom EVERY day, even if its just for a few minutes & i don't know how i will be able to see her everyday because i have my little jo-z all the way in bellvue & i can't leave him there all day alone & then go see my mom & then go home to let him out. so i probably won't be able to see her until every weekend :(
on a happy note..i am getting more & more excited about Braxton's arrival. he encourages me every morning to keep going, because soon he will be in my arms. so when colby is gone..i will still have part of him here with me. im sure he will look a lot like his daddy..but more like me because i have stronger features (dark hair, dark skin, etc) i just need lots of prayer that colby does change..not for me..but for his little boy..i need lots of prayer that my mom makes it through this surgery ok..& that she kicks cancer's butt!
i love you all so much! thank you for ALL of your kind support..you all mean SO SO SO much to me!! you will never know how you all impacted my life :)
11 Comments on life..babygirlstella
- Wednesday, 5 Nov hope your mom's surgury goes well! & everything with your man goes okay too! ELLAandQUINNSmommy
- Thursday, 30 Oct I'll be thinking of you and your family! You'll be a great mother, I know it'll all work out! Bratney
- Thursday, 30 Oct ur a strong girl keep ur head up...my thoughtz r with you and ur family.....
im now 5 days over my due date and im being induced on halloween of all dayz..booooo lol BLESSEDBYTHELORD
- Thursday, 30 Oct DNT WORRY DNT STRESS TRUST THE LORD!...KEEP UR FAITH THRU THESE TRYIN TIMES&KEEP N PRAYER!PRAYER IS VERY POWERFUL!EVERYTHIN HAPPENS 4 A REASON ONLY GOD KNOWS... ITS HARD NOT 2 ASK Y IS THIS HAPPENIN...BUT JUST THANK GOD 4 EVERY MOMENT U HAVE W UR MOM&COLBY TAKE IT 1 DAY AT A TIME...START PRAYIN 4 HEALIN N UR MOMS BODY... IT SAYS N THE BIBLE "BY HIS WOUNDS WE R HEALED" DECLARE THAT N UR MOMS LIFE!...4 COLBY ASK GOD 2 OPEN HIS EYES&CONTINUE 2 BIND THE SPIRIT OF DRUG ADDICTION N THE NAME OF JESUS...IM NOT N UR SITUATION BUT I KNOW THAT GODS A MIRACLE WORKER!DNT DOUBT HAVE FAITH&BELIEVE START SEEIN THE MIRACLES BEIN DONE N UR LIFE...IT SAYS N THE BIBLE BELIEVE U HAVE RECEIVED WHATEVER U ASKED 4 N PRAYER... U&UR FAM R N MY PRAYERS... GOD BLESS nena70211
- Wednesday, 29 Oct My prayers are with you and your mom...try to stay strong, i know everything will be ok.. MAMAjo ♥
- Wednesday, 29 Oct what a heartbreaking time for you. =( i know everything will turn out ok, but i cant imagine how much ur hurting right no. preggieagain
- Wednesday, 29 Oct I am sorry that things are kinda rough for you right now... keep your head up as much as possible and know that you are in my prayers! yaya C.
- Wednesday, 29 Oct I am very sorry to hear everything that you're going thru....Man! I sit hear and complain about my freaking emotions when what im going thru doesn't even compare......You're in my prayers Love....thanks for hearing me out...just think there is someone out there that has it worst...And we both need to thank god for what we do have...MUAH X-LeahsMummy-X
- Wednesday, 29 Oct Heeeey,
good luck to your mum i hope the op goes as good as it can for her. i no just what your goind through and its not nice. but after time im sure she will get back to her old happy self and feel great, althought it doesnt seem like that now.
i just found out yesterday that my mums been back and forward to hosp cos she found another lump and thought it was cancer again, but they did a biopsy and can say 100% its not cancer but they still dont no what it is untill next week. made me feel so bad that she was going through all that and i didnt even no, she said she didnt wanna worry me. hopefully dind out what it is next week,
soo gooodluck again to you and her. thoughts are with you and im sure everything will turn out just fine xxxx LuvinBrayden
- Wednesday, 29 Oct HEY HUN!!!
ok- first....I will keep your mom in my thoughts and prayers!! she sounds like such a wonderful and STRONG person for all her decisions and her battles with all this cancer! she is much stronger than most people for her choices on how to deal with it all! if i could hug her and tell her myself, I WOULD!
2nd- if colby goes...it WILL help! he just needs to be the man he is and step up to the plate and realize he needs this for him and his son!!! if he wants to have a balanced and healthy future he needs to do this!! and then its not just OVER after he completes his program, he has GOT to stay away from whatever it is and whoever it is causing the problems! he has got to stay on track in order to stay clean! but he can do! Brax should be enough encouragement for him to want to be better and want to STAY that way!! if not, he is NO man!!!!
3rd- i know it sucks to have to move out BUT, we are doing the same thing because of money and finances!!! so think of it as a good thing...your getting out of that stupid rent every month and those awful utilities!!! believe me i know!!!!! we are OUT on the 15th and couldnt be happier!! now you will be able to save money, pay on those CC's, and be stress free for a while (you were so worried about being a bad mommy because of money and all...) now you will be able to turn things around for you and your lil mans future :)
and finally- EVERYTHING in this world happens for a reason...this cancer battle for your mom is making her such a strong and wonderful woman!!! it is also bringing you two closer than you probly have EVER been! i just pray everything goes well with her surgery and the outcome!!! if colby goes, it will be so wonderful for you two...what if it brings yall back together and yall are able to have a stable relationship to raise brax in!!?? and moving out of that condo iis probly so far the BESt thing that could happen...and you wouldnt be moving out if colby wasnt going....so just remember that all this has a meaning and every opsticle we go through has SOMEHTING good at the end :)
- Wednesday, 29 Oct my mans in the army so he can't be here for the birth eaither. he's been gone since august and i won't see him till christmas! so our son will be like two months when he meets his daddy.
i hope everything goes good with your moms surgery, and that your boyfriend gets better. :)