23-3-2009 - so so sad.

My mood while writing this blog: Ok

on saturday night i put braxton to sleep around 10..he seemed normal..he hate & passed right out..i then went to bed @ 1am, expecting to be back up around 2 (because brax ALWAYS eats around 2 & then again around 5) around 3 am i got a text message that woke me up & i looked at the clock & realized braxton wasnt awake. i found this VERY unusual because he is on a pretty set schedule. i figured he was just really tired because on saturday he didnt take his usual nap. so i let him sleep..i woke back up to the bed shaking & i realized it was braxton. i jumped up & noticed he was FREEZING so i bundled him up in blankets. he began to let out these horrible screams that id never heard before..i knew something was wrong. i tried to get him to eat, but he wouldnt. i put him back down & decided to see if he was just tired..throughout the rest of the night the would scream once or twice, but never opening his eyes. i decided @ 8am to take him to the ER, no questions. they seemed pretty concerned and took him back immidialtely! he was having the worst smelling stools id EVER smelled & he had already had liek 6 and we'd only been up 2 hours..braxton NEVER poops more than once a day so i knew he was sick. the stool was a pale grey color..VERY weird..the nurses made us save all his stools so they could keep a close eye out. they decided to do a spinal tap to make sure an infection hadnt gone up to his brain (it came back negative) & they took chest Xrays to check for metabolic disorders. thats when they found out he had pnemonia. i was SO upset! they immidiately admitted him & we stayed the night there. we found out he also has a severe bacterial infection in his blood stream. he is on IV antibiotics..POOR THING!!..this is probably the worst news...now i had noticed since hes been born he never looks at my face. he never looks when i call his name..he looks towards the direction i am but he fails to look AT me..he doesn't respond to light..he doesn't follow lights, rattles, or any object for that matter..but i kept telling myself "well he was 3 weeks early, hes a little slow!" his pediatrician backed my theory up on his 2 month visit..but then at the hospital the nurses mentioned it. they couldnt get him to look at them or respond to anything. they called in 3 different doctors to take a look & they decided to bring in a specialist. the optomologist called me today & informed me that braxton can't see very well (which is a number one sign of autism) & he is having a lot of trouble with images..he is also showing some signs that he has some difficulty swallowing..which i never noticed..i thought all babies had an ounce dribble down their chin. i feel like this is all my fault..what did i do wrong? my baby could be blind..i am going to find out a lot more tonight..i cant wait to get off work..its been sooo hard being here while brax is in the hospital =( i stayed with him last night then when it was time for work my mom came & my grandparents. so as soon as im off im going up there to stay again. anyways ill keep everyone posted..they say he will be there a couple of days..PLEASE PRAY FOR HIM..